


Roundabout

by evergreenstringbean



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Teachers, Fluff and Angst, I will finish this if it's the last thing I do, I wrote the first seven chapters in like 2018, M/M, Other, cursing, mentions of past addiction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2020-06-07 11:33:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 27,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19467073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evergreenstringbean/pseuds/evergreenstringbean
Summary: Virgil's got a new job as a school secretary, a vast change from his old life. He quickly befriends a few fellow faculty members, including one happy-go-lucky drama teacher. As the year goes on, and Virgil begins to form stronger bonds, his reluctance to revisit parts of his past may begin to put a strain on the relationships he holds dear.Aka a Teacher AU nobody asked for





	1. And They're Off

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome! This fic has seen a lot. It's been orphaned, deleted, re-edited, and spit out here. I've been working on this for nearly three years total, so I'm glad you're all here. I hope you enjoy!

Typically, the first day of school was only dreaded by the children who had to return to their torturous sleep schedule only to go to the “group prison cell” for eight hours five days a week. However, on a particularly warm August morning, Lone Ridge High School’s new secretary, Virgil Sanders, was trying to make the tough decision to either sacrifice his new job in order to have a few more hours of peaceful sleep or get up and begin his day. Of course, he chose the latter. Partly because it was dumb to sacrifice a well paying job for three extra hours of sleep, but also due to the fact that if he didn’t get up right then, he would miss his bus and then he’d have to walk the five and a half miles across town to get to work. That sure as hell wasn’t happening, so in a matter of minutes he was dressed and running out the door while gnawing haphazardly on a granola bar. When he was finally able to stop running and catch his breath, he took his seat on the bench in front of the bus stop, just in time for his morning panic.

_ Did I make sure I locked the door? Did I turn off all the lights before I left? Oh god, my electric bill’s gonna be insane if I left the lights on- _

He was pulled from his thoughts by the sound of shouting and something hard making contact with him. The next thing he felt was something splashing all over his once pristine gray shirt. After a moment it fully registered to him that what had crashed into him as a person, who was trying to recollect himself.

“Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry! I’m not usually clumsy like this, I’m just in a rush to get to work this morning.”

It was a couple more odd seconds of the two trying to stand and clean everything up. Once that was in order, and the stranger had made his apologies quite evident, the awkward silence that followed was almost deafening. Finally, the strange man cleared his throat and began to speak.

“I’m Roman, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” There was a brief pause from the other, who was still trying to figure out his debacle about his shirt considering it was his first day at a new job and he was terrified of first impressions enough without a giant stain on his shirt, but finally managed to respond soon after.

“Uh...look, I could accept your apology and exchange formalities all day, but I start a new job today and I don’t really want first impressions of me to be with a coffee stain the size of Antarctica, so if you’ll excuse me-”

Roman paused to catch a glance at the awful stain he had caused, and proceeded to rummage around in his messenger bag at his side. It was then that Virgil noticed Roman was wearing rollerblades, which was most definitely the reason for the collision that had just taken place. A sudden flash of dark red came into view, and he looked up to see the other holding a shirt out in front of him. “Here. I always keep an extra, just in case.”

“...In case what? You crash into a random stranger and spill coffee all over them?” Virgil asked sarcastically, a slight smirk appearing to indicate he wasn’t angry.

“Well, mostly in case anything happened to me, but it works if it helps a damsel in distress.”

“Wow, a real heroic prince, huh?”

Roman cracked a smile. “True to my last name.” A beep snapped the two out of their impromptu staring contest and Roman sighed loudly before silencing his phone. “I’ve got to go before I’m late to work...I never did catch your name.”

The bus pulled up at perfect timing for Virgil, and he decided to be playfully snarky as he boarded. “I didn’t throw it.”

**~*~**

After finally arriving at the school, Virgil quickly ducked into the restroom to change his shirt before anyone could see him. Thankfully, the newly gifted clothing fit him almost perfectly, and honestly didn’t look bad on him. That Roman guy had pretty good taste. Well, good for a guy who rollerblades to work and crashes into guys who are still half asleep and spills lukewarm coffee all over him.

_ Wow, this morning was weird. _

When he walked into the office a few minutes later, he was greeted by a man leaning against the counter with a file in his hand, clad in a light blue polo shirt, a gray cardigan wrapped around his shoulders and a pair of glasses resting on his face. When he caught sight of Virgil, his eyes lit up as his smile followed suit.

“Oh, hi! You must be the new secretary! I’m Patton Hastings, but you can just call me Pat! I’m the school counselor here, and I love making new friends, so don’t be afraid to stop by my office at lunch or whenever you have free time! A couple of the other teachers usually eat lunch with me in my office because the teacher’s lounge can be too much sometimes, and you're absolutely welcome to join!"

Virgil softly introduced himself and listened as the other talked to him, trying to stay focused but the realization hit him that somebody was trying to befriend him and it felt as though his entire being completely shut down. He had no idea what to say or do, so he simply nodded his head and waited for Patton to say his goodbyes and leave before he sat down at his new desk with a sigh. He began to sort through the various forms and files to begin his job, and answered a couple of phone calls before a new face appeared in the office. This man looked similar to the last one, only taller, with a shorter haircut, and a black shirt and tie rather than the other’s previous, more laid-back style.

“Oh, hello. I assume you’re our new secretary? I can also assume that you’ve also already met Patton as well? He was waiting for you to get here. He’s a very...friendly person.”

Virgil just laughed awkwardly and nodded, setting the papers he was sorting aside to once again engage in a conversation with someone he didn’t know. “Uh, yeah. He’s very uh...different, huh?”

“Yes, I believe that’s an accurate description. He is very kind though, and although he wears his heart on his sleeve, he knows when it’s time to be serious. He’s very passionate about his job. Oh, where are my manners? I’m Mr. Roberts, but since we are co-workers, you may call me Logan. I teach Trigonometry and AP Biology.”

“I’m Vi-”

The door opened again and someone walked in with a large stack of books in his arms. “Someone please help me out here before I drop these! And let’s face it, they’re for the arts, so we won’t get replacements anytime soon.”

Virgil was able to stand up and help the poor guy, but the voice sounded way too familiar and by the time he figured it out, Logan had already started to help him.

“Roman, why on Earth would you try to carry all those books at once?” he asked, setting the books onto one of the nearby chairs.

“I needed to get them all to Rebecca before second period. She’s starting the new school year by making her students copy down vocabulary terms. I think she’s hungover or something. Who knows?” Roman joked, a wide smile on his face until he turned his head and locked eyes with the man behind the counter. “Hey, coffee guy!”

Logan looked at the two with a perplexed expression and crossed his arms to further display his confusion. “Wait, you two know each other already?”

A slight smirk appeared on Virgil’s face as he nodded slowly. “Yep, he spilled coffee on me earlier today.”

“On accident! I don’t just go around pouring coffee on every guy I see. I’m not some kind of coffee stain floozy.”

Virgil had to bite his lip to hold back a laugh, and obviously Roman just had to take notice.

“Ha! You laughed! So you  _ do  _ have emotions!”

Logan decided this was a good time to leave and said his goodbyes before slowly making his way out to the group of tired and already bored teenagers.

“Of course I have emotions. I’m not a robot,” Virgil mumbled, sitting back in his seat and grabbing the papers he had set on his desk earlier to finally put them into their respective files.

Roman walked over to the desk, but the bell that rang prohibited him from saying anything he wanted to. “I’ve got to get these books to the choir room, but I’ll see you later.” He made his way towards the door with all the books now once again stacked in his arms yet more stable than before. “How long do I have to wait before you tell me your name?”

Virgil chuckled softly before answering just as the bell rang again. “You’ll find out soon enough!”

_Oh my god. This year is gonna be insane._


	2. First Steps First

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lunchtime chaos ensues, Roman's theatre geekness shows, and Virgil tries to make friends (but finds it difficult)

Virgil got through morning announcements without a problem, since the former student council president was nice enough to take the reins while he got started on answering emails and sorting out the files in the cabinet next to him. Organizing kept him focused and on task with what he needed to do. So did coffee, but he was afraid to go to the teacher’s lounge to grab himself a cup partially due to the incident that had occurred that morning making him fear any more dark roast-related stains, but also because he wasn’t in a mood to risk meeting more new coworkers so early in the day. That was a task he wished to tackle slowly over the next few weeks. Less anxiety for him.

Closer to lunchtime, he had been visited once again by Patton, who continued to encourage him to eat lunch with all the other socially awkward teachers. He almost felt like he was back in high school as a student, with all the different social groups and cliques, rather than an adult staff member who paid rent and had a college degree. Nevertheless, he accepted and watched the counselor jump up and down excitedly like a giant toddler. Virgil wasn’t exactly all sunshine and rainbows, especially at 10am, but seeing Patton’s reaction made it difficult for him to suppress a smile. He could tell he wouldn’t be able to be an introvert at this school. Besides, he wasn’t even sure he wanted to.

The 11:45 bell went off right on time, signalling Virgil’s lunch break. He grabbed his lunch bag from under the desk and left the office as he tried to remember where the counselor's office even was. He began to mentally curse himself for having such a terrible memory, before he finally stumbled upon the room. It was impossible to miss. The door was literally a rainbow, with different photos of baby animals taped to it. It looked like a five year old’s bedroom door, but Virgil wasn’t one to judge. He reached for the handle before a loud crash from inside the room caused him to jump back like a cat who had fallen into a bathtub. What in the hell-?

He finally gained the courage to open the door after many silent passing moments of staring at the knob. What he saw ahead of him made him simultaneously stare in total confusion and struggle to hold back a laugh.

Roman was on the floor surrounded by tables on their sides, rubbing his back while he glared at Patton and Logan, who were both laughing so hard they could barely breathe.

“See? That’s what happens when you try to tap dance on unsturdy tables! I don’t think your ‘Lunchtime Theatre’ idea is gonna work, Ro,” Patton managed to get out, pausing occasionally to catch a breath through his giggle fit.

Logan began to pick the tables back up as Roman continued to sit on the floor and sulk. “Aw, but that was a really great idea for the drama club this year! The sophomores were brainstorming last year and that idea really resonated with the entire class. Maybe we can do songs that don’t involve tapping on tables? Maybe we could take it down a notch to start out though. Maybe something from RENT-”

“Roman, I’m not sure a lot of the songs in that musical are lyrically appropriate for a high school audience,” Logan reasoned, helping the teacher to his feet. It was clear none of them had noticed the secretary in the doorway yet.

“They have a high school version!”

“...That sounds awful. The hardcore parts in that show are what distract you from the parts that make you feel like your heart is being ripped out,” Virgil piped up, immediately covering his mouth with his hand when he noticed he had chimed into the conversation that he wasn’t even originally a part of.

Patton’s face brightened when he turned his head and caught a glimpse of Virgil. He squealed just a little as he ran over to him and took his hand to lead him to the other two teachers in the room. “Guys, this is the new secretary I was talking about, Virgil!”

Roman smirked in triumph when he finally got to hear the name and shared a silent victory that the shy staff member could clearly notice in his eyes.

There were a few seconds of semi-awkward silence until Virgil finally spoke up. “Uh, yeah I met Logan this morning...and Roman spilled coffee on me before school started.”

“You did  _ what _ ?!” Patton screeched, looking at the man in question with a shocked expression. Logan simply smirked, eager to hear the story that he didn’t hadn’t had the chance to hear that morning in the office.

“Mr. Drama Nerd over here crashed into me when I was waiting for the bus. Spilled coffee all over my shirt,” Virgil explained, crossing his arms in an attempt to look more confident and less like a nervous wreck who was terrible at making friends.

Roman maintained a dramatic stance, but turned his head towards the clueless men to explain. “I was skating to work and lost control. The coffee wasn’t hot, don’t worry! No third degree burns.”

Patton and Logan both nodded in understanding. Virgil was caught off guard by how in sync they seemed to be. “Now I know where I recognize that shirt,” Logan replied, pointing to the dark red shirt Virgil was wearing.

“So...is your lunch hour always like this?” Virgil asked softly, looking between the three as they exchanged small smiles. Roman and Logan moved to arrange the tables back together and Patton handed Virgil a cup of ice water.

“Usually we sit down and eat and talk like normal people, but sometimes Roman gets an idea and as his certified best friends, we are obligated to listen to them and try to talk him out of them if they’re terrible.”

Virgil hesitantly took a seat at one side of the connected tables and began to pull out his lunch, a bunch of grapes and a granola bar. He wasn’t usually hungry during the day anymore, and he tended to get anxious when he knew other people were watching him eat, so he typically stuck with foods that he knew wouldn’t make him look like an idiot when he ate them. “So, you three are all friends?”

Roman grinned proudly at the question. “Best friends since third grade! It’s amazing we’ve stayed friends this long, even more amazing that we all became teachers at the same school we once went to- what the hell is that monstrosity you call a lunch?” he asked, pointing at the food in front of Virgil and making the secretary's face go red with embarrassment.

“Roman, don’t make fun of someone’s eating habits! ...But can you go order two pizzas, please? I didn’t bring my lunch and I wanna share,” Patton replied to Roman’s outburst, making Virgil feel slightly better. He ate his food in silence until the pizza arrived and Patton asked him if he’d like a slice. After turning it down twice, he finally gave in, his stomach surprisingly welcoming the warm food. He had had pizza for dinner all that previous week, but it was still good in his opinion, because it was food and he wasn’t picky.

He couldn’t exactly afford to be picky, anyway.

“So, Virgil, what did you do before you came here?” Roman asked, trying to start a friendly conversation with the new staff member as he shoveled another slice of pizza into his mouth.

Silence.

_ “Just one more, then I’ll quit.” _

FUCKFUCKNOABORTMISSIONVIRGILGETOUTOFTHEREBEFOREYOUUNLEASHPANICATTACK9000

Virgil tensed at the question and sat there in awkward silence for a few seconds until he was thankfully saved by the bell and shot out of his seat. “Uh, this has been fun, but I gotta get back to the office. Phone calls to make, emails to write, y’know. Thanks for the pizza, uh, bye!”

And with that, he was out of the room, leaving three perplexed and highly curious teachers alone with their thoughts and new concerns for the secretary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would you guys be interested in a playlist for this fic? I accidentally started one.


	3. Come To A Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil goes out with the others, learns something new, and has new encounters with old demons.

The end of the school day showed up quicker than Virgil had expected. He woke up that morning thinking it would just drone on and on, but he supposed the lack of being totally alone like he normally was played a role in the way time passed in his mind. However, even though the school day was over for the students, he and all the other teachers would be there for another few hours to wrap up the day and prepare for the next.

He continued highlighting a document for the principal to read over, already bored with the mundane task, but remained diligent regardless. He still had several phone calls to make, emails to answer, and ink cartridges to replace in the printers.

_ This. Bites. _

“Havin’ fun there, sunshine?” A light voice asked, and Virgil didn’t even need to look up to know it was Roman who had just walked in. Still, he couldn’t keep his eyes from moving up to the drama teacher, who was now leaning against his desk with a smirk on his face. It almost made him smile, but he settled for a playful eyeroll and moved his attention back to the half-highlighted paper in front of him.

“Depends on what you mean by ‘fun’. For the past thirty minutes I’ve been wondering if it’s too late to change my occupation. Does that count?” The secretary asked in a monotone voice that clearly lacked enthusiasm. He capped the thin yellow highlighter he was now starting to use as more of a drumstick than an office supply and set it aside to take a quick break.

Roman chuckled softly and Virgil faked an offended expression by the fact that the other was amused by his emotional turmoil. “You’ll get the hang of it soon enough. Our last secretary was a fifty-nine year old woman who terrorized the students…and some of the teachers, as a matter of fact. Trust me, you’re already a blessing to this school.” There was a silence that followed as Virgil blushed and Roman fiddled with the arrangement of pens and highlighters in the cup on the other’s desk. “So, what are you doing after this?”

Virgil tensed, unsure what to say in a moment like this. That was a phrase he had only heard in movies and tv shows, and often one he made fun of for being dumb and cliché. He had never heard them out loud and certainly not directed towards him. Despite this, he answered back with a witty remark. How else? “Wow, so spilling coffee on me was a flirting tactic, huh? I wonder how I missed that.”

“You wish I was asking you out on a date, huh?” Roman shot back smoothly, the smirk still evident even though Virgil thought he noticed a bit of shock pass through his eyes. “No, the three of us were gonna go out to celebrate the first day of school going smoothly without any raves or detentions. We were wondering if you’d like to join. You deserve a celebration more than the rest of us.”

Of course, at that exact moment the other two teachers in question walked into the office, both laughing at a joke presumably Patton had made. “Virge! Are you coming?” The counselor asked, grinning from ear to ear. Virgil began to wonder if he ever had any chill whatsoever and when he had been given that nickname.

The secretary had to think about it for a moment. “Where would we be going?” he asked, knowing very well that what they answered with would determine whether or not he could accept their invitation. He hated that. He wanted to just accept without having to ask so many questions. But he couldn’t.

Welp, that was his fault.

“Just out to a restaurant. Patton doesn’t drink and Logan only drinks during big social occasions, so we don’t go to bars or anything. Especially during school nights,” Roman answered, glancing between his best friends and Virgil as he talked, as if he couldn’t keep his focus on one individual person for a long period of time. Virgil could only describe it as a caffeinated hummingbird with ADHD.

After a while of thinking things over and running through multiple anxiety-filled and highly unlikely scenarios in his mind, Virgil shrugged and nodded. “Sure. I’ll tag along. Might turn my mood around after all this paperwork I gotta get done. Why did I choose this job?”

“You must be really good at staying on task! I mean, you have so much to do, and you look like you do it so well! You’re so good at your job!” Patton enthused, grinning and bouncing on his toes.

Okay, Virgil took it back that  _ Roman  _ was the one that was like a caffeinated hummingbird with ADHD.

“I mean, I guess? I’m just good at procrastinating so having so much to do and so little time makes me stress and get it all done within a reasonable time. I used to be terrible at being put under a lot of pressure, but it’s easier when I just hide my anxiousness with unhealthy amounts of stress…and caffeine.”

The three other men nodded in total understanding, since they were teachers after all, and they had all shared similar experiences of stress, deadlines, and being forced to focus due to procrastination. “Well, we’ll be heading out around five. Think you’ll be finished by then?” Roman asked as he glanced at the clock.

Virgil thought about it and estimated the amount of work he still had ahead of him before nodding slowly. “Yeah I should be. I could always answer emails when I get home anyway.”

“You can’t expect to get through every single email, Virgil. There should be about two thousand of them, if not more. A good portion are most likely from some of the students looking to mess with you. Others are from the faculty, but if it’s that important, they’ll definitely resend the email in question. My advice to you is to trash any of the ones that are over a week old to save yourself some time and patience,” Logan suggested, and Virgil did as instructed.

“Thanks, Logan. You sure no parents are gonna come for my head?”

Logan shook his head and groaned at the sound of his watch beeping. “I have to go lock my classroom.”

The sound of Roman laughing made Virgil jump just a little from how sudden it was. “Dude, you still have an alarm set for the exact time the janitor finishes cleaning your classroom?”

The Trig teacher rolled his eyes and brushed him off before saying his goodbyes and leaving. It wasn’t long before the others left as well, and the quiet of the empty office returned to Virgil’s ears, but this time he actually had something to look forward to.

**~*~**

“Hey Patton, I bet that you can’t get the waiter’s number.”

Virgil’s head shot up from the table where he had been staring at the menu for the past ten minutes trying to determine something cheap for him to eat. Two things in that sentence made his heart rate pick up, but he chose to ignore the first one and focus on the latter. His eyes grew wide and his mouth almost fell open. Waiter? Is in, male server? 

Patton giggled and closed menu he had in his hands.”How much are you adding to this bet, Ro?” he asked, noticing Logan roll his eyes as Roman pulled out a twenty and placed it on the table.

“Go big or go home, am I right?”

“Famous last words,” Virgil mumbled before he could catch himself. Thankfully, nobody heard him, so he cleared his throat to address the giant rainbow elephant in the room. “So…Patton’s gay?”

Roman visibly tensed and his posture turned to something more protective while Patton smiled and Logan decided to provide the actual context. “We all are, actually. And no, before you ask, we’re not in a relationship together, none of us have been in relationships with each other, and no, none of us have feelings for each other,” he explained, though his voice wavered a bit more towards the end. “Just because we’re gay doesn’t mean we’re in love with each other.”

It was then that Virgil figured out that they thought he had a problem with it and first, internally laughed at the absurdity of him possibly being a homophobe, and second, corrected his previous question with an explanation. “Oh cool, I’m gay too…I kinda figured Roman was gay by the way he was flirting with me this morning…and this afternoon-“

“I was not flirting with you this afternoon!”

“Roman, while we were leaving the school you literally told me that I’d have to start wearing your clothes more often since I look so hot in them,” Virgil replied with a laugh.

Roman didn’t respond, but pointed as the waiter walked up to the table. As they ordered their food, Patton attempted to flirt with him, but it was then that Virgil realized the counselor was trying to flirt with him with  _ literal _ dad jokes , which actually did make the waiter laugh somehow.

So much, in fact, that he lifted his left hand to his mouth, showing off the shiny silver band on his ring finger.

The waiter excused himself to bring them refills, and Roman broke down into laughter as Patton pouted and handed Roman the money. “You cheated again!”

Virgil completely froze at the comment.

_ "You cheated again! How the hell can you play something like that twice in a row?!” _

“…Virgil? You okay?”

The soft tone helped Virgil pull himself from his thoughts and avert his gaze to the three concern men around the table, Roman looking the most concerned of the three of them.

Virgil faked a soft smile and assured the three that he was fine, continuing the meal and forcing his brain shut those other thoughts out.

**~*~**

After they had all finished the meal, they made their way to Patton’s fairly new light blue car as they brainstormed where the night should take them next.

“Hm…how about an arcade? Some of the games might be rigged, but they’re still fun to play!” Roman suggested with a wide smile, making Patton’s face light up and Logan to nod.

“Ooh, can we go to the one we used to go to all the time as kids?!”

“Patton, I’m pretty sure that one is shut down. It went out of business a few years ago.”

“Aw, no! That place was so much fun!”

“Virgil, an arcade sound good to you?” Roman asked Virgil, who was leaning against the car thinking sincerely if he could do that.

_ Arcades may be just games, but there’s still that risk… _

“Uh, actually, I’m getting pretty tired. I think I’m gonna take a bus home,” Virgil replied sheepishly, sticking his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

Patton looked almost hurt by his statement, but gave an understanding smile. “No, no! Let me drive you home! You shouldn’t take the bus this late at night! There’s a lot of meanies out at this time!”

“…Meanies, Pat? You have a Master’s degree and ‘meanies’ is the best word you could up with?” Logan asked with a perplexed yet clearly amused grin.

“No, really, you don’t have to Patton. I live across town and I don’t want you to go through all that trouble-“

Patton held his keys up and jingled them. “No, it’s not trouble Virge! I love driving! And besides, I love spending time with new friends!”

“…Pat, you are the adult embodiment of a five year old,” Roman said with a chuckle.

Patton shrugged. He couldn’t argue. Roman was right.

**~*~**

Virgil returned to the peace of his apartment less than twenty minutes later. Well, twenty minutes not including the additional five of Patton putting their numbers into Virgil’s phone and everyone putting Virgil’s number into theirs. It was obvious that it was Patton who entered their numbers because each one had a nickname that was a terrible pun. “Lo-gi Bear” for Logan, “Roman’s Empire” for Roman, and “Patton Pending” for himself. It was kinda dumb, but it made Virgil laugh. This was weird. He had never had a person take a liking to him, certainly not this quick, and certainly not a group of them! Nevertheless, he calmed his worries of this all just being a prank on the new guy by writing down adjectives of how he felt, just as he had learned in last week’s meeting, and moved to the dry erase board in his kitchen. He grinned at it for a moment before erasing the big “274” and writing “275” in its place. He was proud of that ever growing number. And with that pride in his heart, and the surprising optimistic feeling for the future, he decided to go to be before he pushed his luck and somehow fell into a panic attack.

He had finally gotten into a comfortable position when he got three new messages back-to-back on his phone. Reluctantly, he picked the nightmare rectangle up from his nightstand and unlocked it, tapping on the messages in order. The first was from Patton, saying how much he enjoyed hanging out with him and his friends and asked him to keep eating lunch in his room with them. He accepted the invitation with a soft smile and moved on the next, which was from Logan. Again, another text about how he enjoyed spending time with him and his friends. 

_ It’s weird just how synchronized Patton and Logan seemed to be. They must spend a lot of time together. _

The final message was from Roman. It was short, only two sentences, and it somehow managed to make Virgil laugh and make his heart stop.

[9:24pm] Roman’s Empire: Wanna go get coffee sometime? I promise not to spill it on you this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I. HAVE. SO. MANY. IDEAS. FOR. THIS. My motivation is crazy right now. But in other news I have a viral infection and I've spent the past two and a half days sleeping so there's that.
> 
> Oh, and I really want some friends so please follow my twitter (@allin_ev_itable) or my tumblr (@allin-ev-itable)


	4. The Duel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman, Logan, and Patton perform. Virgil makes a discovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just gonna get these edited chapters up super quick so I can get the new chapters out.

The first official full week of school was filled with both interest and boredom for the new secretary, since it mostly consisted of him filling out documents, asking for the principal’s signature, and using what he once thought was an insane amount of whiteout and staples.

However, on the more interesting side of the spectrum, he had been spending more time with the other teachers he had begun to befriend. After Roman’s request to go out for coffee, they had gone back in forth in playful banter and had finally agreed on having lunch on the following Saturday, when both of them were finally getting into the steady rhythm of starting a new school year. Virgil was excited for the upcoming…was it a date? He wasn’t sure. Regardless, he was looking forward to it and began to resent the slow-moving clock on the wall that didn’t seem to really bother him during his first few days on the job.

Lunch times were definitely never boring, since almost every single time we walked into Patton’s office he’d see Roman singing some type of showtune at the top of his lungs while performing the song as if he were on Broadway.

Speaking of which, as Virgil walked down the hall he could already hear the techno-like music coming from the counselor’s office. He slowly turned the knob and peeked into the room, noticing everyone had already arrived and Logan and Patton were watching with a surprising amount of interest at Roman’s attempt to play every single role in a song Virgil did not recognize.

“So, what musical is this one from?” Virgil asked with a smirk as he walked into the room and took his place standing next to Patton and Logan. The two laughed softly and held up a finger momentarily.

“The doctors warn me that with my corpulence-“

“Corpulence!” Patton and Logan responded, as if on cue. Logan chuckled a little and turned towards the secretary to give the explanation he clearly requested. “Natasha, Pierre, and the Great Comet of 1812. Roman’s played and sang the song so many times we all pretty much know it by heart by now. Just wait, it gets better.”

Logan was definitely right, it got better. Not too long after, both he and Patton had begun to sing and act along with Roman. Before long, Roman and Logan were reenacting a duel, using bananas as pistols. Bananas. Fucking bananas. Virgil could barely comprehend how weird and hilarious it all was.

Once the song had ended, the three teachers began to sit and eat as though nothing had happened. Virgil stood there in confusion for a few moments before deciding to just take a seat and ask questions in a moment. 

“So…what was-“

“That was art, Virge,” Roman interrupted, grinning brightly even though he was still breathing kind of heavily. “That was art.”

**~*~**

The final bell ringing at the end of the day made Virgil’s heart soar as he watched the sea of students pour out of the front doors to the awaiting buses and cars for those who drove home. He liked the kids, of course, but he had a long day of dealing with a few angry parents whose children had skipped school, fixing printers, refilling staplers, answering emails, and craving the sweet release of death. Along with that, he needed to leave early. It was Thursday.

After signing out of the school’s computers and gathering his things, he locked the office up as he had gotten into the rhythm of doing and made his way out to the bus stop down the street. He made it out to the front of the school, only to hear the sound of shuffling and whispers from around the corner of the school.

_ Oh, hell. There’s kids doing drugs. Damn it, I don’t have time for stoner kids today. _

Virgil slowly began to sneak up to the corner, ready to move and catch the kids in the act. Hopefully, there was a faculty member with a higher authority who could deal with it. He waited for a moment before quickly stepping out around the corner.

_ HA, I got them- wait what OH SHIT  _

Either Patton and Logan had somehow super glued their lips together, or they were making out  _ on school property. _ Virgil honestly could believe the super glue idea with Patton, but he knew believing that idea was basically denying the truth.

The two immediately pulled apart when Virgil caught them, tossing their glasses back on their faces before beginning their pleas to not tell anyone what he saw.

“Hey, Virgil!” Roman called when he noticed the secretary standing by the school, walking over towards him. The counselor and the trig teacher both gave Virgil desperate looks and shook their heads, standing as quiet as possible so Roman hopefully didn’t hear them. Virgil pulled a fake smile and walked away from the corner, but not before giving the two a look of “you owe me.”

“Hey. You headed home?” Virgil asked the drama teacher as his fake smile softened into a real one, brushing some of the hair out of his eyes. He was getting anxious. He needed to get to that meeting on time. He couldn’t ruin the perfect track record he had going. If he did, he might break it.

Roman nodded and glanced at his watch, smiling. “Yep. I was just wondering if you were hitching a ride with us. Patton and Logan should be out here any minute now. Huh, that’s weird. Logan’s usually a stickler for being somewhere at the right time.”

Virgil thought back to what he had just witnessed and bit his lip to suppress any snide comment his mind could conjure up. “Uh, no I’m alright. I actually got a thing tonight.”

“Oh, well I’m sure Patton could drive you. He likes helping anyone out. I’m sure he’ll be fine with it.”

“It’s alright. I’m fine with the bus,” Virgil insisted, his hand developing a slight tremble. He really needed to get to that meeting on time.

Roman reluctantly dropped it, and allowed Virgil to leave after confirming their date for Saturday. While Virgil was on the bus he wondered why he was keeping everything such a secret. Perhaps it was due to him not wanting to risk losing his job, or because it was definitely not just a casual lunch discussion. Maybe it was because he didn’t want any of them to think differently of him if he told them.

The bus came to a stop in front of the community center, which should’ve just been renamed to Virgil’s Second Home at this point. After all, it was a better alternative to what used to be labeled as his second home.

He made his way into the room with a soft smile, greeting and making light conversation with a few of the many people he recognized. The tone was no longer somber, as it used to be during his first meeting that he had been literally dragged to, but instead more familiar and empathetic. Peaceful.

People began to take their seats, and Virgil nodded in the direction of one particular man in a leather jacket and sunglasses, who nodded in response and smiled, sipping his typical Starbucks drink as the meeting began.

Introductions made their way around the circle they made with the chairs in the room, until it came to Virgil. He took a deep breath, smiled softly, and began.

“Hello, my name is Virgil, and I’m a gambling addict.”


	5. No One Else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil meets someone new, Patton and Logan explain, and Saturday's lunch date turns into something more.

Friday morning was the first time he had shown up early to work, rather than just on time. The only people that he saw were the janitors and the cafeteria staff getting ready for the day ahead. Virgil took this as a perfect time to have a few moments to get himself some coffee and get caught up on what he could guess would be hundreds of emails he had received since leaving the office the previous day. He wasn’t even dreading it. Not even a little.

Meetings seemed to work like magic for him. They were his weekly therapy, where he could go and talk about anything he needed to talk about and nobody could judge him. The people at GA just seemed to really understand him, and that was definitely what he needed.

He slowly walked into the teacher’s lounge where, unsurprisingly, there was not a single teacher in sight. However, the coffee maker was in plain sight, so he began to make his caffeinated saving grace in the peaceful silence. He’d never admit it, but sometimes it was good to be early.

As he stood there and watched the machine begin to brew the coffee grounds into the faculty’s wake up juice, his mind slowly started to wander to what he had witnessed before the meeting last night. Logan and Patton were kissing . This raised so many questions in the secretary’s mind. Were they together? Were they just friends with benefits? He really wanted to know, but he knew it was seriously none of his business. If either of them wanted to talk, then they’d mention it. If not, Virgil wasn’t going to ask and risk total awkwardness from either one or both of them.

The sound of the door opening and closing pulled the staff member out of his thoughts as he looked in the direction the noise came from, only to see someone he didn’t recognize. Huh. That’s funny, he thought he had already met everyone. The man looked at him and immediately sauntered up to the secretary with a smirk. “Haven’t seen you arrive early before. It totally doesn’t make you seem too afraid to show up when everyone else has arrived.”

Virgil blinked, completely shocked by the other’s choice of words, especially since he didn’t even know who the other even was. “Uh...sure?”

“Oh, forgive me. Where are my manners? I’m Mr. Dolion, the debate teacher. Funny that you’ve yet to meet me.” The teacher remarked with a certain unrecognizable tone in his voice, extending a hand for Virgil to take.

The secretary accepted the handshake, although his grip was a little firmer than usual. The man was beginning to irritate him for reasons unknown. “Mr. Sanders. Virgil, actually. I’m sorry for that, I’m usually in the office all day.”

“Or having lunch with the geek squad, hm?” Mr. Dolion hummed, pouring himself a cup of the coffee Virgil had just made. After tossing in random packets of sugar and pouring in some cream, he began to walk away. “This was nice. We should talk more, Virgil. You seem like a very interesting person.”

**~*~**

As he took his seat in his office chair for what seemed like the billionth time, Virgil was beginning to get the typical morning blues he got each day when he seriously considered just quitting and carrying out the rest of his life working at McDonald’s. Turns out the good mood that had carried over from the previous night’s meeting had worn off quickly as the coffee took its own effect.

He was just about to start dozing off at his desk when the sound of the door opening pushed him back awake and forced him to look at least somewhat interested. When he noticed it was Logan, he actually did become interested and greeted the teacher with a soft smile. “Hey Logan. What’s up?”

The bio teacher cleared his throat and straightened his tie, something that Virgil had picked up was a nervous habit when he had something important to talk about. That made him sit up a little straighter in his seat. “I felt like I needed to speak to you in regards to the events that occurred yesterday afternoon.”

“Uh- no, don’t worry about it. I won’t tell anyone. Your secret is safe with me.”

“Excellent. You should also know that the relationship between Patton and me is still platonic. We aren’t together. I’m not in love with him or anything of that nature. We merely use kissing and such as an outlet for our hormonal fixations and pressures.”

Wow. That was a little too much for Virgil to know. Then again, Logan was more focused on people knowing facts than anyone’s comfort. “O-Okay. Got it. Say no more.”

It seemed that was what Logan needed to take the hint that Virgil wanted to drop the conversation, and not too long after, he left to prepare for his next class. The door didn’t open again until after the bell rang again, signalling the end of first period. This time, the door opened and Virgil looked up to see Patton, smiling despite some other emotion hiding in his expression and body language.

“Hey! How’s your day going so far, Virge?”

Welp, looks like Virgil wasn’t getting rid of that nickname after all. Oh well, he actually kinda liked it. “It’s fine. Logan was in here not too long ago.”

Patton perked up a little bit and grinned slightly. “Really? What’d he say?”

“He just explained what I saw yesterday. Nothing else. Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me.”

“Ah, okay. Thank you.” The counselor took a breath, a small smile playing on his lips. “I love him, you know.”

Virgil froze. 

_ Shit. Didn’t Logan just say… _

_ Oh, hell. _

“I really do. I mean, I’ve loved him as a friend for so long. Roman too. But I’ve been in love with Logan since the fifth grade. I don’t know, he just makes me so happy and-”

The bell cut Patton off, and Virgil had to mentally pray to every deity that he had literally just been saved by the bell as the counselor bid him adieu and walked out of the office. How should he go about everything with this new information? Forget it? Tell someone? Ugh. This only meant one thing.

He had to call a certain someone to come over after work.

**~*~**

“Ooh, a scandal? On your first full week of work? Seems like your life really is turning into a soap opera, Vi.”

Virgil rolled his eyes and scrolled through the endless list of shows and movies on his tv, nothing really popping out to him until the sound of loud slurping broke his concentration.

“Do you mind? That sound could break down padlocked doors!” he cried, throwing a pillow at the man next to him. “I thought you were gonna stop drinking coffee anyway. It’s bad for you.”

Remy shrugged a bit, setting the empty Starbucks cup on the coffee table. “We’ve all gotta have our own vices, dear Virgil. Besides, it’s better than the alternative.” He stood up to take the cup to the trash can in the connected open-spaced kitchen. “You should feel lucky, being one of the very few who only ended up in GA and not in AA too. Hey, speaking of which, there’s this guy in AA who’s really cute and he’d be absolutely perfect for yo-”

Virgil immediately shook his head. “No. No, no, no, no, no. Remember the last time you tried to set me up with someone in AA? He asked me to drive him to the liquor store just so he could look.”

Remy sighed and walked back over to the couch before tossing a throw pillow at the other man. “That was my fault. He had only been in the program for a couple of weeks. This guy’s been in AA for over seven years. He’s really sweet! Please?”

“I would, but...I’m kind of already seeing someone,” Virgil mumbled, looking back at the TV to avoid the look on Remy’s face. He missed the look, but not the squeal.

“What?! Why didn’t you tell me?!”

“Rem, they literally told me that when I choose my sponsor I shouldn’t talk to them about my personal life.”

“And look at you now: nearing a year on the wagon and best friends with your sponsor. You’re doing great, Vi.”

Virgil smiled as he thought about that ever-growing number on the dry erase board in his kitchen, but snapped out of it when he realized what Remy was doing. “Flattering me to get me to spill? Wow, you’ve reached a new low.”

Remy groaned loudly and fell off the couch, pouting at Virgil like a child trying to get his way. “Pwease? Just spill a little tea?”

The other man rolled his eyes, realizing he was in no way going to win that argument. “His name is Roman.”

**~*~**

“So that’s why Patti LuPone is a well deserved goddess. Thank you for coming to my TED talk,” Roman joked, stealing a bit of ice cream out of the small tub Virgil was holding. The two had gone out for lunch earlier in the day, but afterwards decided not to waste the beautiful Saturday afternoon and spent the rest of the day together. Now, here they were, sitting on Roman’s fire escape overlooking the city as they each ate their own tubs of ice cream and occasionally stole bites of each other’s.

“You really have a passion for theatre, huh?” Virgil hummed, waiting to swallow his bite of double chocolate chunk before asking the question that made Roman grin and nod enthusiastically.

“Yep! It’s just so magical, all the music and lights and sets. It’s the ability to tell stories that make people laugh and cry, and let everyone ignore their own lives for a couple hours. It gives people a mutual home, even for a short amount of time. It’s great.”

Virgil smiled at Roman’s enthusiasm, noticing how close the two of them are and leaning in to press a kiss to his cheek. He saw how Roman blushed and it made Virgil’s stomach flip, unsure if it was in a good way or a bad way.

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or-”

Virgil was interrupted by the feeling of Roman’s lips on his, both nicely warm and a bit cold from the ice cream. It wasn’t over-the-top or a high quality fireworks kiss or anything like it was made out to be in the movies and romantic tv shows. Instead, it was better. It felt both familiar and new, but like home. Like he could definitely get used to it.

Roman pulled away with a gentle smile before wrapping his arm around Virgil’s waist, giving Virgil the opportunity to rest his head on Roman’s shoulder and feed him a spoonful of ice cream with a collective chuckle between the two of them.

They both talked all night, and Virgil finally took a cab home at 2am after a bittersweet goodbye kiss from Roman. On the cab ride home, he took the time to think of everything he did and didn’t say. He wanted to tell Roman about his past, and about his current status in Gambler’s Anonymous, but he couldn’t. He didn’t want to ruin all the potentially good moments they could have with the shame of the life he used to live. He didn’t want to do that. He couldn’t.

What he could do, however, was walk into his kitchen once he returned to his apartment, change the number from 283 to 284, and go to bed with a happy, finally optimistic smile on his face.


	6. Wish I Were Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan opens up to Virgil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Mention of mental illness/manic depression

Virgil finally fully began to get into the rhythm of the new job and the new school year around early October. He was replying to emails faster, getting fewer papercuts, and helping out students and faculty members with relative ease. On top of that, he was spending more time with his newfound friend group, especially Roman. The two of them went on a date almost every week, either going to a fancy restaurant or eating fast food in a nearby park. They clearly had a connection, and were definitely interested in each other, but they weren’t calling themselves a couple or anything along those lines. It seemed like they were both just trying to get to know each other better, which was honestly ideal for the both of them.

The day was going by at a typical pace, neither fast or slow and Virgil was keeping up with all his tasks like a piece of cake. When his break arrived he decided to take a walk through the hallways and fully explore the school since he never really had a chance to before the school year began. It was oddly quiet as the classrooms were filled with bored students and teachers droning on and on about subjects they couldn’t care less about, leaving the hall almost eerily quiescent.

As he approached the arts wing, he could hear the faint sound of a piano coming from the music room, but only one instrument in play. Slightly perplexed, he decided to investigate, and peeked into the window through the door to see Logan sitting in front of the piano, playing the keys effortlessly as he looked in concentration. His fingers danced across the ivory and ebony keys quickly, sometimes loud and sudden and sometimes soft and slow. Virgil made a real effort not to disturb the teacher as he slowly stepped into the room, eager to hear more.

The music stopped after a few more minutes of playing and Logan, without even looking in Virgil’s direction, started to address him. “Do you know how to play?” he asked, his tone lacking its usual professional and studious tone and taking on a more comfortable and almost childlike demeanor.

“Uh- no. I tried to learn in high school, but the music teacher scared me,” Virgil responded, earning a hum of understanding from the biology teacher. There were a brief few moments of silence as Logan’s eyes scanned back over the keys, and then he began to play again, but talked as well.

“I started playing when I was about three. We had a piano in the living room and I’d play it day and night...well, if you count playing as banging on the keys and pretending I was playing along to a symphony. My parents agreed to pay for lessons and before you know it, everyone was calling me a prodigy and a piano whiz, even my mother...my mother…” Logan’s fingers momentarily stopped pressing keys as a recollection of memories of his mother crossed his mind.

“My mother wasn’t...there. She...I don’t think there was a moment before I was sixteen when I saw her sane.”

Virgil just sat there, absolutely stunned. He had no idea what to say.

“I had a brother. He died before I was born. After that, my mother sort of shut down. She had frequent delusions. Stared at walls for hours on end, barely even noticed I was there most of the time...” he had to stop himself before he got too worked up, his key pressing taking the route of his mood and getting louder, angrier, “...missed my recitals and hid in the car in the parking lot instead…”

“Time passed, my mother became lucid for the first time in my life...and she left us. Went to her parents to gain a sense of independence from my father. We muddled through, I got a full-ride scholarship to college, got my degree, became a teacher, and now...now I’m here. Playing piano, and recalling the days of blissful ignorance when I was a child and I’d play and get lost in the keys as my parents fought through my mother’s episodes and grieving of the child she seemed to love more than the one she still had.”

There was a long pause of silence when Logan finished talking, and Virgil couldn’t think of a thing to say that wouldn’t sound cheap.

“...I don’t know how you did it.”

Logan chuckled lightly and stood from the piano as he adjusted his tie and took a deep breath. “I just reminded myself before recitals that my chance to get out of the dysfunctional routine was just a few keys away. There was a time before my mother left that we spoke, the first and only time she was painfully honest with me. The first and only time I really understood her. All my life I always thought I stood in my brother’s shadow, even though he wasn’t here. But...talking with her that day was when I really seemed to get it...get  _ her _ . As a kid, I didn't understand, I thought it was my mother's fault for why we couldn't have a normal life. But now, after that talk...I don’t blame her for how my childhood turned out. She...We got through it.”

The bell rang shortly after and the flood of students could be seen through the window crowding the halls. “We better get going.” Virgil paused as he reached the door and looked back at Logan. “...Do Patton and Roman-”

Logan nodded. “Yes. They know. I had to explain when all those times as a kid I had to turn down ideas of us spending the night at my house. Though, I’d rather not bring it up in casual conversation. It is a very personal matter that does bring me a slight bit of trauma.”

“Of course. I understand.”

“Thank you, Virgil. For understanding...everything.”

“Don’t mention it.”


	7. In the Middle of the Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil's first sick day.

It was three months into the school year when Virgil had his first sick day.

He could tell from the moment he woke up, too. His head was pounding, his vision was blurred more than usual during his early morning routine, and he was sneezing sporadically.

Wait, no. That’s not right. He wasn’t sneezing. He was coughing. Yes, he was coughing so loud the neighbors most likely could hear him.

At first, he tried to get ready for the day and get to school, but he had to stop when he tried to walk out by using the closet door rather than the front door, and just called the principal to explain why he couldn’t come into work. He then retreated back to his room, and back to sleep in an attempt to get rid of the awful pounding in his head that had begun to make him nauseous.

The next time he woke up, it was noon and quickly approaching one pm. His headache was less prominent, but still there, and his coughing had not ceased. He sat up and felt his headache only worsening when he did so. After the horror of trying to figure out whether or not he was in real life or some sort of weird dream state, he picked up his phone from the nightstand and scrolled through the array of missed calls and unread messages. The calls were mostly from Roman, with one or two each from Logan and Patton as well. The messages were all from a group chat the four of them had, which was, of course, Patton’s idea. Virgil opened the chat and scrolled up to where the first message came from, pausing to let his eyes adjust to the bright screen before reading.

[6:45am] Patton Pending: Do you guys wanna get breakfast before school?

[6:46am] Roman’s Empire: $ur3 th1ng! T3ch w33k $tart$ 0n M0nday and 1 can u$3 all th3 3n3rgy 1 can g3t n0w

[6:48am] Patton Pending: Y are you typing like that

[6:51am] Roman’s Empire: 1’v3 alway$ typ3d l1k3 th1$

[6:51am] Patton Pending: No you haven’t pls stop

[6:52am] Roman’s Empire: Alrighty. Are Virgil and the human alarm clock up yet?

[6:55am] Lo-gi Bear: Yes, Roman, I am awake. As for Virgil, that’s to be determined since he has yet to respond to any of these text messages. Patton, I am afraid I have to decline your offer for breakfast as I have previously promised my grandfather that I would visit my mother this morning due to my first period class being moved to fifth period. I hope you understand.

[6:55am] Patton Pending: Aww, of course! Tell your mom hi for me please!

[10:08am] Roman’s Empire: Guys I’m getting kinda worried since Virgil isn’t answering my calls and he didn’t show up for work

[10:23am] Lo-gi Bear: He called in sick this morning.

[10:23am] Patton Pending: WHAT

[10:24am] Roman’s Empire: oh no

And that was when the phone call from Patton was made. Virgil felt bad for sleeping through all the calls and texts. Typically, when he was sick he slept like he was dead. Regardless, he decided to send a quick text to calm them all down.

[12:37pm] Virgil: I’m fine. Just a cold. I’ll be back to normal tomorrow.

He sent the message and hit the home button, clicking on the phone icon and pressing Remy’s contact to try and reach him. After a couple rings, it stopped and there was a bit of fumbling heard on the other line, presumably the man trying to switch his coffee and his phone each to different hands. “Hey girl, hey!” he chirped, which was followed by Virgil’s coughing. “Ugh, you sound like hell.”

“I feel like hell. Can you come over?”

“I don’t get off work until three. Are you good until then or do you need me to come over now?”

Virgil thought about it for a moment and shook his head, until remembering Remy couldn’t see him. “No, I’m good. But you better bring me some tea when you come over.”

“You know I never come over without tea, whether it’s physical or metaphorical.”

**~*~**

Virgil heard a knock on his door around two, surprising him since there was still another hour before Remy was off of work and he wasn’t expecting anyone else. Thankfully, he was now dressed in something slightly classier than pajamas, and slowly crept up to the door to look through the peephole and see who it was.

Roman, Patton, and Logan. All holding a variety of items labeled “Get Well Soon”.

The secretary opened the door and was about to greet the three with a smile, but was interrupted by a particularly violent coughing fit. Ugh, he hated this. The tired, awful, foggy feeling he couldn’t get rid of no matter what kind of medication he took. It sucked.

Roman set the items he had aside and gently rubbed Virgil’s back to help him through the coughing, smiling when it all subsided and pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. “You’re burning up, Virge. Pat, did you bring anything for a fever? He feels like he just took a jog across the Sahara.”

Virgil groaned and plopped down on his couch as Patton looked around in the bag of various medical supplies he and Logan had picked out from the store and always kept in his car in case of emergencies. He pulled out some DayQuil and handed it to Virgil, who happily took it. Anything to get rid of this current feeling of a professional wrestler squeezing his head.

“Surprise! We wanted to try and help you feel better, and what better way than to be surrounded by your friends?!” Patton said excitedly, careful not to be too loud and make Virgil’s head hurt worse.

The four of them talked for a while in Virgil’s small living room, with Roman sat next to the sick man with his arm around his shoulders and occasionally checking his temperature. While in the middle of a conversation that had seemed to be redirected to musicals for the fourth time, Virgil heard a click of his doorknob and the sound of footsteps. Oh no. Remy was here. His sponsor. Of course, Remy wouldn’t tell them he’s Virgil’s sponsor, and Virgil could just easily tell them they were friends since that was also the case, but having Remy and Roman in the same room together was going to make it even harder for Virgil to keep the truth of his past from the drama teacher he was beginning to grow so fond of.

“Alright, I got your tea and a few random rom coms that aren’t too stereotypical- oh. I didn’t know you had company over,” Remy announced, pausing when he walked in and looked around the room. “Hey Patton! I didn’t know you and Virgil knew each other!”

Virgil looked at Remy with a perplexed expression, then back to Patton, who looked just as equally confused. “Hey, Remy,” Patton responded, his head tilting a bit to the side like a confused puppy. “How do you know Virgil?”

“Oh, he’s just a friend of mine. He asked me to come over earlier, but I was working.”

The conversation quickly moved to something more trivial, but Virgil was no longer paying attention.

How does Patton know Remy, and vice versa?

Somehow, the five of them all ended up watching a few of the rom coms together, and not too long after the third movie, Patton, Logan, and Roman had to leave.

“Well, this was fun! We should all do it again soon!” Patton suggested happily, standing up and stretching before pulling his keys out of his pocket. “Alright, everyone hitching a ride with me, let’s go!”

Roman turned to Virgil with a smile. “May I have a goodbye kiss?”

“Do you seriously wanna kiss me after I just spent all day today nearly hacking up a lung?”

“…Good point. I suppose merely kissing your hand will have to suffice until your lips are no longer germ infested,” Roman replied dramatically as he pressed a gentle kiss to the back of Virgil’s hand.

“Actually, lips are always germ infeste- you know what, never mind.” Logan said with a yawn, too tired to bring up disturbing facts about the human body.

When the front door closed and five people dropped down to two, Virgil looked at Remy and crossed his arms.

“How do you know Patton?”

“That movie sucked. Why do the plots always go with the ‘slight misunderstanding leads to total derailing’ scenario? It’s insulting to romance.”

“Rem.”

“I mean really, why can’t they just explain it instead of letting it blow way out of proportion like that?”

“Remy!”

“Hm?”

“How. Do. You. Know. Patton?” Virgil asked, slightly more calm yet more confused.

“Oh, he’s the guy from AA I wanted to set you up with. I didn’t know you guys worked together.”

Virgil’s jaw fell open. Patton, the ball of pure sunshine and energy…was a recovering alcoholic?

There was definitely way more he needed to learn about his new friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so from now on I'll be posting new chapters! I'm no longer sick and I don't have work until Friday so I'm gonna make myself write until then!


	8. It Is What It Is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton and Virgil have an important discussion, and Virgil finally tells someone.

Virgil ran through the double doors of the school, jacket over his head as he tried to shield himself from the pouring rain. The clothing had been enough to mostly keep him dry, but his hair had still gotten damp due to the jacket getting wet itself. He sighed and made his way to the faculty restrooms to fix it. 

In the time he had spent getting over his illness, he thought about what he was going to do about Patton. If he just ignored what he’d learned, it would bottle up inside him until it accidentally came out at the most inappropriate time. If he asked Patton about it, then his secret about GA would be out. 

_Would that really be such a bad idea though? What if Patton understood?_

Of course he’d understand. He was in AA. Which reminded him of the conversation he’d had with Remy after he’d dropped the bomb about Patton’s past alcoholism.

_“You know, I’m pretty sure the reason it’s called Alcoholics Anonymous is because everyone remains...y’know, anonymous.”_

_“He’s really open about it. One of those advocate types. He’s not really anonymous about it, Vi.”_

Nevertheless, Virgil had decided his best course of action would be to wait and see. Maybe an opportunity would arise for him to ask, but until then, he was going to keep his trap shut and act as though he still knew nothing.

And that worked. For a month.

For that month he went through the motions of work, went on more and more dates with Roman and spent more time with his friends. The more he learned about the others, the harder it became to keep the secrets of his past from them. He could tell they were growing ever more curious about his life before he started working there. After all, it was a little weird that he knew so much about them and they knew next to nothing about him.

So here he was now, opening the door to the men’s restroom to see Patton drying his eyes in front of the mirror. His face was red and he was sniffling, clear signs that he had just finished crying and was trying to keep from doing it again. Virgil paused in the doorway before timidly clearing his throat as to not startle the already fragile man who hadn’t seemed to notice him yet.

“Oh- hey Virge! I uh, I was just…see, I’m allergic to cats and-“

Virgil just shook his head, signaling for Patton to not even try with the excuse as he grabbed a few paper towels with a soft sigh. “Splash some cold water on your face. It’ll help with the redness.” Patton blinked in surprise before following the other’s instruction, turning on the sink and throwing the crisp water over his eyes. “So…you wanna tell me what’s going on?” The counselor hesitated, placing his glasses back on the bridge of this nose after drying his face with the paper towels given to him.

“…I don’t know, it’s sorta complicated…”

“Isn’t everything?” The secretary quipped, leaning against the wall as he watched Patton shift awkwardly in front of him. He could tell when someone was uncomfortable, and this was it.

_Perhaps it’s something to do with Logan? Or maybe…AA?_

Before Patton could begin to explain, the bell rang to start the day. “We’ll talk about this later, alright?” Virgil said, keeping his voice at a level that didn’t sound intimidating, hoping Patton would be willing to open up later in the day. Patton simply nodded, thanking Virgil for the help before slipping out into the busy halls.

**~*~**

Lunch arrived in a hurry. Honestly, Virgil had been too caught up in his own mind about Patton’s bathroom escapade and Roman sending flirty texts all day and his own impending doom about keeping secrets from everyone that his day had just been a flurry of thesaurus-based emails and boring phone calls.

When he got to Patton’s office, it seemed as though the counselor had done a complete 180 from how he’d been that morning. He was perky and hyper, talking excitedly with Roman about an upcoming trip the drama department would be taking in preparations for the winter musical. But when he saw Virgil, the secretary could see a flash of panic cross his face before it disappeared with a smile. “Heya Virgil! How’s your day been?”

“Oh- uh, not much.” The silence that followed was absolutely deafening. He’d been caught off guard, too busy studying the others for his brain to even process what Patton had said before it was too late.

_Why don’t you work, you pathetic excuse for a primary organ?!_

Laughter filled the room, and Virgil’s eyes traced it to Roman giggling like a child. Normally, he’d cross his arms and mumble some sort of insult, but seeing Roman laugh only made him grin in return. “What the hell are you laughing about?” he asked, trying to sound frustrated but failing with the smile clear in his voice.

By this point, the drama teacher’s laugh had dulled to a quiet chuckle as he stood and approach the other. “Sorry, you’re just so adorably awkward. I love it,” he answered, taking Virgil’s hand and pressing a kiss to the back of it.

And of course he blushed at that, unable to respond and merely smile in reply.

“Oh! Virgil, I’m gonna go get lunch for everyone! Come with me? I need to talk to you about permission slips for Roman’s trip,” Patton said, breaking the silence as he jingled his keys. Virgil knew what he was doing, coming up with an excuse to hopefully talk about that morning. With a nod- and a goodbye kiss from Roman- he followed Patton out to his car, and thankfully the rain had stopped so he could hop into the passenger seat with ease before immediately getting anxious at the nearing conversation.

Patton didn’t bring it up for the first few minutes of the drive. Instead they sat in silence, and Virgil could see Patton’s grip on the steering wheel was a little tighter than usual. So he was just as nervous about this as he was. Surely he knew Virgil would keep anything a secret. He’d kept the secret of him and Logan safe, so maybe it wasn’t so much a secret as it was-

“When I was in college, I started going to parties a lot.”

Oh. So it _was_ this conversation. Virgil took a discreet yet deep breath to calm his nerves as he listened.

“At first I just went to make new friends. Roman and Logan went to another university not too far away. I applied there too, but I got rejected…anyway, we still saw each other a lot, but I hated spending so much time alone in my dorm when they were in class, so I figured maybe going to parties wouldn’t be so bad. And then someone offered me a drink. I started off saying now and just drinking cola in some corner. I hated it. Everyone else was having fun, but I felt like I wasn’t a part of them, you know?”

A red light slowed the car to a stop, and Patton glanced over at Virgil. “At some point I figured maybe just one drink wouldn’t be so bad. I mean, it was college and that’s the time to experiment. So, the next time someone offered a drink, I accepted. And…I loved it. I felt less tense and like I could talk to people easier, I met a group of people who laughed at my stupid jokes and played along. It was the first time since starting college that I didn’t feel alone.

“So I drank more. One drink became two, then four, then it wasn’t just during parties anymore. I was paying upperclassmen to buy drinks for me. It had started with just wanting to enjoy the party, but then it was to stop the hangovers or ease the stress of essays for class. Eventually I even stopped going to class. I don’t know how I let myself spiral like this, but it was like I was on autopilot.”

It was then that Virgil decided this light was taking too long to change to green.

“Roman and Logan began to notice. They didn’t know I was even drinking until I had spiraled. And by then…it had gotten pretty bad. They held an intervention.” Patton’s face got red. His eyes watered, and Virgil watched the light turn green and the other lift his glasses to graze the back of his hand over his eyes to begin driving again. “I was pretty far gone. And I…I hit Logan. He fell back and hit his head on the corner of my desk. Had to get stitches. He still has the scar.”

Patton let out a breath, no longer glancing over at Virgil ever so often and instead keeping his gaze on the road ahead. “That was my moment of clarity and I got help. I went to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, went on the wagon, and…I haven’t touched a drop since.” His last statement had a proud tone to it, and Virgil knew that was more than appropriate.

“But sometimes I…still think about what I did to him. It comes up out of nowhere, and so does the guilt. Whenever I see the little scar by his temple or just because my mind wants to remind me of what I did. That’s what you saw in the restroom this morning- are you crying?”

Virgil lifted his hand to touch the tear streaks on his face as he wondered when he started crying in the first place. He almost laughed at how Patton was in the midst of a backstory and the one thing he was focused on what Virgil’s feelings. He really was too good for this world.

_Yeah, I can trust him._

“I’m fine…Patton-“

“Please don’t hate me. Hate who I was, because I hate him too, but…not me, Virge.”

“Patton, I don’t think I could hate you if I tried. I just want to tell you…I get it.” Virgil tapped a random pattern on his knee, calming his pacing mind so he could develop coherent thoughts. “…Remy isn’t just my friend.”

It took a second before the realization hit Patton’s face. He pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant and claimed a space before replying with eye contact. “Is…he your sponsor?”

He merely answered with a nod, moving his hand from his knee to dig his nails into the leather seat beneath him. “Been in GA for almost a year now.” There was a beat of silence before he quickly followed with, “Please don’t tell anyone, It’s freaking me out enough telling you and I’ll tell them soon enough but I don’t wanna-“

Virgil was cut off when Patton unbuckled and pulled him into a tight hug. “Thank you.”

“For what?” he asked, returning the hug in delay.

“For trusting me enough to tell me. It’s hard and I know how much you gotta trust someone in the beginning.”

And Virgil didn’t even care that he was crying again, because he hugged his friend and let silence take over the car. He trusted Patton. How could he not? He was a counselor, and a damn good one. On top of that, he just emanated an aura of trust that was impossible to miss. That was enough for him.

After a solid minute, they finally pulled away and Patton grabbed tissues to hand to Virgil. “And don’t worry. Your secret’s safe with me. But, for what it’s worth, Logan and Roman won’t judge you. They’re the best friends you could have.”

Virgil let a smile fall across his features once he’d dried his tears, and he couldn’t help but think about how just this morning, he’d been helping Patton. And now Patton was returning the favor. “Thank you, Pat. You’re the best. Really.”

With a soft smile, the counselor sighed and turned the car off. “Alright, let’s go get the food before it gets cold and Roman and Logan complain.”

“Lead the way.”

_Maybe this won’t be as hard as I once thought. Maybe there’s hope for me after all._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi :) I'm seeing Spider-Man: Far From Home tomorrow and getting mani pedis with my sister while she's in town so I'm posting this tonight so I don't forget woooo


	9. Ready As I'll Ever Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's winter break and Virgil fears the calm before the storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SCREW YOU I SAY CHRISTMAS IN JULY

After Patton and Virgil’s car confessional, the two of them formed an even stronger friendship. They turned driving to get lunch for the four of them into a daily routine and used the commute to talk about everything from their individual meetings to stories they had from work. Sometimes they talked about Roman and Logan, but while Patton could openly talk about his crush on Logan with a tone that could only be described as pure adoration, Virgil would only smile and use small words and short sentences when asked about Roman. He wasn’t really used to talking about his love life because for the longest time he didn’t have one.

Today, on the last day of school before winter break, lunch had started off as usual, with Patton and Virgil climbing into the former’s car and pulling out of the parking lot with the radio already turned up high and Patton happily singing along to his Disney playlist. Virgil smiled and occasionally sang along at certain parts, but otherwise happily sat in silence.

About halfway through the drive, Patton turned the volume down and wasted no time speaking. “I wanna talk about something, Virge.”

Virgil had no clue why that sentence hit his nerves so harshly, but his shoulders tensed and for a split second he felt like he was sinking. At least until he remembered who he was with and calmed himself. “What’s that?”

“…Are you and Roman in a relationship? I mean you two just never said anything and whenever Logan or I bring it up you both change the subject. I mean I know it’s not really any of my business but we’re both just curious.”

The car came to a slow stop as they reached a patch of traffic, and Virgil could no long keep his eyes trained out the passing trees out his window. “I get it. We…haven’t really talked about it, actually. We’re just taking things really slow and I guess we haven’t had that conversation yet.”

Patton nodded as the other talked before his face indicated another question. “Well, do you _want_ a relationship?”

Virgil barely paused to register the words before nodding, his mind skimming over many nights of dinners, long walks, deep conversations, stealing bites of ice cream and chilled kisses that made him shiver in a variety of ways.

“Of course I do. He’s the best thing that’s happened to me since I got into GA. I just…feel like I’m lying to him, Pat. Like I’m keeping this whole part of my life a secret to make myself look better. It’d been even worse if we had a relationship like that. Ugh, I feel like such a liar!” he was almost shouting near the end of his little rant, and he had to catch his breath before continuing. “I know you said he wouldn’t judge me like that, but it’s just so hard to believe that.”

“I get it, Virge. It’s all so fast, you don’t want to push yourself. But…you shouldn’t deny yourself something that you want. If you want Roman, tell him that. When you’re ready to open up about that part of your life, then you can tell him that too. This is all on your terms.”

Virgil took in everything Patton was telling him, and eventually gave the counselor a grateful smile. “Thanks, Patton. You’re right.”

“I know,” Patton said with a giggle, and the secretary just rolled his eyes and turned the radio back up to return the commute to its bubbly atmosphere. 

**~*~**

“So, what’s everyone got planned for winter break?” Patton asked excitedly, pulling a slice of pizza out of the box in the center of the table. Virgil chuckled at a joke Roman had whispered in his ear before registering what the man had said.

“Oh, I don’t know yet. I think Remy’s planning to spend most of the break out of town, so I’m probably just gonna order food and sleep during the day. So, nothing out of the ordinary,” he said with a shrug, glancing up from his pizza to be met with three looks of shock. “…What? Did I spill something? Do I have something on my face?”

“No, no. Do you not…are you not spending your break with family?” Logan asked, clearly trying to dance around the subject.

It was then that Virgil realized just how little the three of them knew about him. And that was his fault. His trust issues were making these moments happen. He sighed softly and shook his head, the previous happy tone taking a slight turn. “I haven’t spoken with my parents in…a while, actually. The last time I talked to them was right after I graduated college. We sort of had a falling out, I guess.”

What he wasn’t telling them was the more sinister points to it. How he’d deserved this lack of communication with his parents after what he’d done. And with one look directed at Patton, he knew the other understood what he was getting at.

Roman pulled Virgil out of his thoughts as he heard him speak up. “I hear that. I’m not on good terms with my family either. That’s why I usually spend the break alone as well. But it’s not as sad as it sounds! It’s supposed to be a vacation so I relax and have a little me time,” he said, comfortingly resting a hand on the other’s knee. “Perhaps we could spend some time together?”

Virgil got the feeling that he’d never get used to Roman’s flirtations without getting flustered as he couldn’t do more than blush and nod happily.

“Oh, let’s not forget! Virge, we usually get together to have our own little celebration. I don’t know what you celebrate but we just call it a party for the three of us. And now it’s the four of us! We give gifts and watch movies-“

“We essentially become the embodiment of the “holiday spirit”. It’s horrendously childlike in nature, but it is immensely fun,” Logan cut in, unable to hide his adoring smile at Patton’s pout.

“Anyway, it’s just a really great time. You should really come!”

Virgil looked at Roman’s cheerful smile and Patton’s excited expression, and how Logan had abandoned all participation to watch the counselor with that same smile. Finally, a holiday where he won’t be hopelessly laying across the couch or at the nearest casino. He took the drama teacher’s hand and squeezed it, sighing contently when he felt him squeeze back. “Yeah, of course. It sounds like a blast.”

As soon as he got home at the end of the day, he called Remy over, who arrived in ten minutes with drinks in one hand and a black case in the other.

“Okay, what’s the deal Phantom Menace?”

Virgil rolled his eyes but pointed to the case. “I need you to teach me to play that.”

**~*~**

Since the bus schedule was weird as hell as of late, Patton had volunteered to pick Virgil up on the day of their party. Virgil had done a good job of not letting the man shake the gifts he’d brought with him. Though either way it wouldn’t make a difference since he’d filled the remaining spaces of the boxes with tissue paper so nobody could try to figure out the contents before it was time to open them.

When they’d arrived at Roman’s apartment, Virgil stepped through the door to be met with a sight that he could only explain as an “exploded Hallmark movie”. Tinsel filled every space imaginable, Mistletoe was covering the ceiling, Winter-themed music echoed through the area as the smell of cookies filled his nose. And then, he saw him.

Roman approached the two of them, wearing a decorative sweater and looking too handsome for Virgil’s mind to fully comprehend. He always looked incredibly attractive, but something about him right now nearly made the secretary choke on air.

“Hello there, my lovely storm cloud,” Roman greeted the man, grinning as he pressed a kiss to his cheek. He pulled back to greet Patton with a hug and raised a hand to mess with his hair. “Logan’s in the living room trying to open the sparkling cider.”

“Physics is defying me!” A voice called from the mentioned room, and the three of them made their way towards it with a chorus of soft laughter. Logan was standing by the sofa, but pointed away from it to avoid any possible spilling as he tried unscrewing the bottle with all the strength he could muster. After a few painful seconds, he sighed and set the bottle on the coffee table in defeat. “I’m smart, not strong.”

Roman giggled and stepped forward, picking up the bottle with a smug look. “Good thing I’ve got that area covered,” he said, twisting the cap for a second before pausing to adjust his grin. Quite a few attempts later, Virgil had to stop the painful scene before him. He gentle took the bottle from the man and walked over to the bookcase against the wall, grabbing the letter opener and sticking the blade under the cap before popping it off in one fluid motion. “You don’t unscrew a bottle cap. How do you not have a bottle opener?”

Logan and Roman both looked surprised, but as the former grabbed glasses the latter changed the subject. “So, when do we open presents?”

“We can do it right now!” Patton said excitedly, ever the impatient one as he thanked Logan when given his glass.

All of them agreed as they sat on the floor, gifts in hand. After taking way too long to decide how to go about distributing gifts, they decided to have each person give their presents to each person one at a time, starting with Patton.

“Alright, so I made you all these with some of the kiddos from Student Council! A few of them are in shop and others are in art so we let everyone use their skills as they saw fit,” the counselor explained as he handed them each a box haphazardly wrapped in brightly colored paper.

“Well, it’s very clear you’re the one who wrapped them,” Virgil joked, watching Patton stick his tongue out at him with a laugh. They all unwrapped their gifts to each find a box decorated with beautiful colors and music notes, and their individual names written on the front.

“They’re music boxes! They all play Once Upon A December from Anastasia, because it’s a pretty song and it’s about a girl trying to remember her home. And you guys are my home,” Patton explained, and Virgil was already trying to not to cry.

“I love it. Thanks, Pat,” he said, brushing his fingertips over the box.

“Alright, before everyone starts to cry, I’m ready to give my gifts,” Logan announced, handing everyone very nearly wrapped boxes. “I’m afraid they’re not as sentimental as Patton’s but I hope they will suffice.”

Roman got a conductor’s baton, something he’d been wanting just for the dramatic effect of it, Patton got a new cat hoodie to replace the one he’d had to retire a couple months prior, and Virgil had received a new copy of The Black Parade CD, something he was very grateful for since his last one had broken when he’d moved into his apartment. He hadn’t mentioned that to anyone but Patton though, so he was sure the two had conspired together on that.

“My turn!” Roman called out as he stood up to grab his presents from the sofa. “Now, I put a lot of thought into these so if you don’t like them I may cry,” he said in a joking tone as he handed each of them a bag with colorful paper sticking out of it.

Patton pulled out a box set of some cartoon Virgil couldn’t make out, Logan had a book on Nietzsche he had yet to read, and the two of them grinned brightly and thanked Roman in unison.

But Virgil…Virgil was staring in disbelief at the item in his hands.

Roman watched, almost looking nervous before he explained. “It’s one of the spoons from that café we went to on our first date. I grabbed it before we left. This shop I found turns silverware into jewelry so I asked them to make a bracelet. I didn’t know what size to make it so I asked Logan to help figure it out. I uh, I got them to put a little red stone in it, y’know, like the shirt I gave you when we first met? I don’t know if it’s too cheesy or silly but if you don’t like it you don’t have to wear-“

The man was interrupted when Virgil moved forward and hugged him tightly, burying his face in his sweater. “I love it,” he said, his voice muffled by the fabric but repeating it when it pulled away. “I love it so much.” He had to wipe away stray tears before sliding it on his wrist. “Fits like a glove. Nice job, Logan.” The man gave a thumbs up, and suddenly Virgil realized it was his turn to give his gifts.

With a deep breath, he pulled out two wrapped gifts and handed them to Patton and Logan. “You guys open yours first.”

The two of them did as they were told, and Patton gasped. “Is this-?”

“A brand new, updated playlist of Disney songs from the classics all the way to now. I know how much you hate looking for specific songs at red lights so I put the ones you play all the time in the top twenty.”

“Thank you!” Patton said excitedly, and Virgil was so glad he didn’t hate it. He watched as Logan unwrapped his to reveal a variety of booklets. Sheet music.

“I didn’t know what kinds of songs are your favorites to play on piano, so I got you classical, broadway, contemporary, and a blank one in case you want to write something of your own.”

“Fantastic, thank you very much Virgil,” Logan replied with a smile, and suddenly Virgil’s heart was quickening as he reached for the black case.

He faced Roman and his heart started quickening for a totally different reason before opening the case and pulling out the ukulele. “Okay, I just want to say right off the bat that I learned this in three days so it’s probably not going to be perfect, and Remy told me he’d only teach me to play the ukulele if I told you that all the credit goes to my “talented, handsome teacher who took time to teach me before he left town out of the kindness of his own heart”. And fair warning, I don’t sing in front of people much so, here we go. Please don’t laugh.”

Virgil took a long, deep breath, looked down at the strings, and began playing. His voice soon followed, shaky at first then growing stronger.

_Everything you do it sends me_

_Higher than the moon with every_

_Twinkle in your eye_

_You strike a match that lights my heart on fire_

_When you’re near, I hide my blushing face_

_And trip on my shoelaces_

_Grace just isn’t my forte_

_But it brings me to my knees when you say_

_Hello, how are you, my darling today?_

_I fall into a pile on the floor_

_Puppy love is hard to ignore_

_When every little thing you do, I do adore_

At some point, Virgil had focused less on worrying about the notes and more on studying Roman’s features, and he could see the adoration and amazement in his eyes, something that took Virgil’s breath away as he continued.

_We’re as different as can be_

_I’ve noticed you’re remarkably relaxed_

_And I’m overly uptight_

_We balance out each other nicely_

_You wear sandals in the snow_

_In mid-July I still feel cold_

_We’re opposites in every way_

_But I can’t resist it when you say_

_Hello, how are you, my darling today?_

_I fall into a pile on the floor_

_Puppy love is hard to ignore_

_When every little thing you do, I do adore_

_Finding words, I mutter_

_Tongue-tied, twisted_

_Foot in mouth, I start to stutter_

_Ha, ha, Heaven help me_

_Hello, how are you, my darling today?_

_I fall into a pile on the floor_

_Puppy love is hard to ignore_

_When every little thing you do, I do adore_

He finished the song and set the ukulele down, anxiously rubbing his hands together after doing so. “I’m sorry it’s not as special as what you got for me, but…I just wanted to show you I’m…absolutely crazy about you, Ro.”

And the next thing he knew, the man had lifted Virgil’s chin and pressed their lips together. At first he felt a bit uncomfortable with Patton and Logan right there, but he could hear the counselor’s soft clapping so he just giggled and kissed Roman back.

“Does this mean I can start introducing you as Virgil, the hot secretary _and_ my boyfriend?” Roman asked with a smirk once they pulled away, causing Virgil to laugh and nod.

“Yeah, I think it does.”

Less than an hour later the four of them were all sitting shoulder-to-shoulder on the couch, blankets covering most of their bodies as they watched some generic Christmas movie on Hallmark. Virgil wasn’t paying too much attention to the plot though; he was too busy giggling at little jokes and snide comments shared between him and Roman about the film, with Patton and Logan chipping in where they could.

This was the first time in years that Virgil really felt like he was home for the holidays.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Virgil plays is I Do Adore by Mindy Gledhill. It's a really good song go listen to it
> 
> I wrote this chapter/am writing this note in the hospital (I'm find my dad's here indefinitely because he's a broken man and he's bleeding internally so WOO) so I didn't even check it for typos because it's 10:30pm and I have to get up for work at 7am so just,,,, here


	10. Moving Too Fast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's officially Virgil's one year anniversary. Dinner plans are made, Virgil throws himself back into work, and he and Roman take a new step forward.

_“I just can’t believe you! Why would you do something like this?! Why?!”_

_“We can’t do this anymore, Virgil. You’ll have to sort this out yourself.”_

_“If only you were stronger.”_

Virgil awoke with a start, the alarm masking his gasp as he avoided sitting up too quickly in fear of jostling the bed too much. He took a long, slow breath, gripping the edge of the mattress while he exhaled. The nightmares, if he could even call them that, were growing more persistent. And when he glanced over to the other side of the bed to a still sleeping Roman, he knew why.

Since the little party between the four of them, Roman and Virgil had spent the remainder of winter break together. They would go out in the day then alternate between their respective apartments each night depending on which one was closer. Last night, it was Virgil’s, and the last night before the first day back at school. It was also, coincidentally, a milestone that the secretary had been looking forward to for so long.

Which was probably also a cause for the nightmares. This anniversary, and with Roman lying next to him in blissful ignorance, and the guilt weighing on him all culminated in one giant ball of nerves that he immediately shoved to the back of his head as he stood up and made his way to the kitchen to start coffee.

He lazily opened the cupboard to grab the container of coffee grounds, and the whiteboard caught his eye. When Roman first began to stay the night, Virgil had erased the number and written it smaller off to the side and covered it with the school’s event calendar. Possibly overkill, but he didn’t want to take any chances. He still wasn’t ready to tell him the truth. Despite Patton’s best efforts to convince him that Roman would never leave him for something like this, Virgil wasn’t ready to take that chance. Not when he was already falling so hard for him.

“Coffee is brewing and this Prince has awakened just enough for it.” Virgil turned from the dry erase board to see Roman entering the kitchen, hair slightly tussled but still looking handsome as ever. He smiled when the man approached him and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Good morning, my dear. Did you sleep well?”

Virgil smiled and offered a nod before turning back to grab two mugs from the cabinet. He barely heard the sound of the front door opening, but he couldn’t possibly miss the voice that followed.

“I hope you’re up, sunshine! Today’s a very big day!” Remy paused at the entrance to the kitchen when he caught sight of Roman, but hid the guilt on his face as soon as it showed up. “Oh, hi there! Vi, I see you finally got this sorted out. You couldn’t have done it while I was in town though?”

The man stared at Remy with a blank, unbelievable expression. “I told you my whole plan when you were teaching me how to play the uke. Let it go, Rem.” Roman glanced back and forth between the two of them, but made no move to speak up as he reached for the now finished coffee.

“Why’s today a big day?” he asked once he’d drained his coffee cup about halfway, earning two identical looks he couldn’t quite understand.

Lucky for Virgil, Remy spoke up before he could come up with an excuse that probably would’ve sounded suspicious. “Oh, no reason…just this,” he said nonchalantly, holding up his left hand. Virgil quickly turned from panicked to shocked and stepped over to his friend to observe the brand new ring. “He proposed?! When the hell did that happen?!”

“During the break while I was there. Guess where he did it.”

“…Please don’t say it was at a-“

“At a Starbucks!” Remy proudly announced, earning an eyeroll and a laugh from his friend. “So, we’ve got some planning to do tonight, right? I’ll need Patton with us too, he’s got that same sorta style that Emile just goes nuts for so it’ll help to get some good ideas to run by him.”

The wink that Remy provided following his question assured Virgil that this plan was, in fact, a cover and that he didn’t actually forget what day it was. “Yeah, of course, why would I miss a chance to call your ideas crazy and over the top?”

Remy shook his head, sipping from his typical Starbucks cup. “Well, I guess you two won’t be too far behind at this rate, so I’ll wait patiently for my turn, Vi.”

Surprised looks passed through both Roman and Virgil, and as the two of them caught their glances the latter felt like he could die right there on the spot. “Oh my god, if you don’t shut up right this second I will convince Emile to make the entire wedding cartoon themed.”

“I don’t really mind tha-“

“ _Including_ outfits,” Virgil interrupted, watching as Remy’s face twisted like he couldn’t even fully comprehend how awful of an idea that was.

“Alright, I concede. But we will be talking about this later!”

Clearing his throat, Roman took a sip from his coffee mug, catching a glance of the time on the stove and making a noise of surprise. “I’ve got to start getting ready. You don’t get the title of Handsome Drama Teacher just by rolling out of bed,” he announced, drinking the remainder of his caffeine as quickly as possible without burning himself before kissing Virgil’s temple and making his way back to the bedroom.

“You still haven’t told him yet?” Remy’s voice was barely above whisper, and was more serious than Virgil was comfortable hearing him.

Grabbing Remy’s arm, Virgil pulled him into the living room and began a slow pace while he spoke. “I’ve been waiting for the right time-“

“Meaning you’ve been procrastinating because you don’t know what he’ll think. You have to tell him, Vi. Keeping this from him any longer is just going to eat at you until you snap. You’ve got a year down, we don’t want you to lose that so quickly.”

Virgil knew that Remy was right. Hell, Patton was right too. He knew Roman would never judge him, not after everything Patton and Logan had both been through. But relating reactions to others issues to your own doesn’t work. It’s an entirely new situation, and in all honesty, Virgil didn’t want to lose his first real relationship right off the bat.

But…Roman needed to know. Keeping this secret from him for so long was driving Virgil mad.

“Okay…look, Roman’s got a trip to New York City with his class coming up. He’ll be gone for a week. I’ll tell him when he gets back. I don’t want to ruin his Broadway trip with my bullshit.”

Remy shook his head and set his coffee down, holding out his arms for a hug. It was rare Virgil saw the other so sincere, or even offered affection to others besides Emile, so he gladly accepted the hug. “It’s not bullshit, Virgil. Don’t ever think of all the progress you’ve made as bullshit.” Virgil smiled as the pride of his accomplishment fell over him, tightening his grip on his friend before pulling away.

“Thanks, Rem. For everything.”

The sponsor grinned and picked his coffee back up. “All in a day’s work, honey. So, dinner tonight, us and Patton. Seven work for you?”

Virgil nodded, the excitement of tonight making him smile brightly. “I’ll just let Roman know I’ll be busy helping with wedding planning. No gifts though, alright?”

“That’s a losing battle and you know it,” Remy replied with a laugh, watching as Virgil checked the time and realized he needed to hurry and get ready for work. “Go get dressed, I gotta get going anyway. I’ll text you the details for tonight!”

**_~*~_ **

****

After rushing to get dressed and happy teasing between Roman and Virgil about the latter’s wardrobe being primarily black, they stood outside as Patton’s car pulled up. Quick greetings took place before they got into the backseat, and Virgil could see the twinkle in Patton’s eye. So he remembered too. He was sure Remy also sent a text to Patton about dinner plans. Trying to talk gifts out of Patton would be impossible, so Virgil decided to not even try.

Once they all arrived at school, Roman and Virgil shared a quick kiss in the car before saying real goodbyes in the office. Logan departed shortly after, leaving just Patton and Virgil.

Patton watched the secretary take off his jacket and begin getting situated for the day, but eventually he was unable to contain his excitement. “Happy one year, Virgil!” he declared, but not too loudly in case anyone walked in.

“Thanks, Pat. Remy said dinner’s at seven. Are you coming?” Virgil already knew the answer, but he didn’t want to assume anything and maybe Patton’s plans had changed.

“Of course I am! I wouldn’t miss it. Oh, I got you something,” he mumbled, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small wrapped box. “Remy and I planned some other things for dinner, but I wanted to give this to you now. Logan and Roman got me something similar for my one year. It kinda helped me keep going during difficult times afterwards.”

Virgil took the box into his hands and carefully unwrapped it, opening the box to reveal a chain with a ring attached. He lifted it up look more closely, reading the inscription on the inside:

_Keep Moving Forward <3_

He smiled and unclasped the chain to put it around his neck. He let Patton help him, and tucked the ring under his shirt. “I picked a ring instead of just a necklace so you could wear it as either of them. I don’t really know how you feel about different jewelry. Well, besides bracelets…” Patton trailed off with a grin, gesturing to the metal wrapped around Virgil’s wrist that he hadn’t taken off since Roman had given it to him.

“Thank you, Pat. I love it.” Virgil pulled Patton into a quick hug, unable to stop a smile and a tear or two from coming out in the process. The sound of the first bell of the morning signaling students would be let in rang out, making them both pull away and straighten up. “Alright, seven. Dinner. Don’t be late. You know how Remy gets.”

The counsellor nodded in agreement and bid farewell, making his way to his own office as Virgil takes his seat at his desk to begin the task of catching up on more emails than he could probably handle.

**_~*~_ **

****

All throughout the school day, Virgil stayed hyper focused on his work. Even despite the typical days when his job felt mundane, filing and calling absent students’ parents, he still enjoyed it. It had its own pace, and it made Virgil feel less frazzled knowing he had it under control.

However, he wasn’t able to ignore seeing the debate teacher he’d met in the break room all those months ago glaring at him as he passed the office windows through the day. Virgil had looked at the faculty roster and discovered the man’s first name was Janus, which made him chuckle a little upon reading for the first time. But for a guy named Virgil, he really had no room to talk in terms of odd names. The glaring from the teacher confused him more than anything. What had he done wrong to cause any ill feelings? Was it even something he had done? Had Janus found out his past? Or worse, had he found out about his parents-

“Virge? Hey, you there?”

Virgil looked up from his papers and stopped the flooding thoughts in his mind to see Roman’s concerned face from the other side of the desk. “Yeah, sorry. Got distracted. I think I’ve finally got all this done.” He carefully put the newly highlighted document back into the designated folder and gave Roman his full attention. “Did you need something?”

“It’s the end of the day. We’re all getting ready to go.”

That response threw Virgil off, and when he saw the time he did a double take. He had spent nearly three hours lost in his own worried thoughts. “Sorry for missing lunch.”

Roman just gave him a smile and crossed his arms. “Patton came to get you but he said you were so busy that when he called your name you didn’t even blink. Is everything okay?”

“Yes-“ Virgil grimaced at how quickly he rushed to answer that and tried again. “Yeah, I’m fine. I had a lot to do and I guess I got so in the zone that I blocked everything else out.” He stood up from his chair and nearly fell over as the blood rushed back to his legs, Roman hurrying over to help him stay steady. He whispered a thank you before getting his things together, shutting down his desktop, and rejoining his boyfriend, who handed him a granola bar.

“Something to tide you over until dinner. Patton told us you two are going to help Remy with wedding planning tonight. Uh-“ Virgil could see Roman’s demeanor change as he pulled something out of his pocket and held it out. “My spare key. I figured since neither of us are really sleeping alone now, it’d make sense for you to have it. In case you want to come by tonight.”

Virgil hesitantly reached out and grabbed the key, feeling something weird he couldn’t quite describe. He liked it, but the unfamiliarity was making him uncomfortable. Unfortunately, that translated into Roman becoming uneasy and shifting from one foot to the other. “You don’t have to take it! No pressure, and I completely understand if it’s too soon and if we’re moving too fast then you can tell me I mean I totally get-“

“No! I mean- no, it’s not too soon,” Virgil answered quickly, allowing Roman to take a deep breath. The secretary thought very hard about what this meant, and how relaxed he felt about it, before pulling out his own set of keys and pulling one off the chain. “In fact, I want you to have my key too.”

Roman seemed hesitant to take it, and Virgil didn’t blame him since he’d just pretty much acted like he didn’t even want Roman’s key. “Are you sure? I don’t want you to feel like you have to.” Virgil smiled back, putting Roman’s spare key right next to his own house key on his keychain.

“Honestly, I’ve never been more sure of something in my life.”

**_~*~_ **

“You did _what_?!”

Remy’s shocked look across from Virgil at the table was priceless, to say the least. The three of them had gotten to the almost-too-fancy restaurant half an hour ago, and while waiting for their meals to arrive Virgil had decided to tell them both about the new change in his and Roman’s relationship. “I know! I freaked him out after he asked. He thought I was going to turn him down, but I was just…confused.”

“Confused? About what?” Patton asked, tapping mindlessly on the table and taking a sip of his water. When the waiter had handed them a wine list, Remy had immediately handed it back, letting him know that the three of them would be having just water for the duration of the evening. They had both told Virgil he could drink if he wanted to, but he had remained firm in his decision that he didn’t want to with the both of them around. After all, Patton didn’t take them both to the casino and make them both watch him play the slots. It was solidarity, and Virgil wasn’t missing anything by drinking water in substitution. Besides, he wasn’t really big on booze anyway.

The question just made Virgil shrug and try to form the words to explain the feeling he had gotten when Roman handed him the key. “I don’t know. When he gave it to me, I felt…weird. Not bad! But it was different. Nobody’s done that before. Just given me something so important to them.”

“Oh, Virgil, babe,” Remy started, leaning forward on the table and earning a few glares from disturbed patrons, “That feeling you got? I think the word you’re looking for is _trust._ You’re finally being trusted after who knows how long. It feels fucking great, doesn’t it?”

And suddenly everything made so much more sense because that was exactly what he had been feeling. It had just been actual years since he was trusted with something important that he genuinely couldn’t remember how it felt. Remy was right. Virgil felt fantastic. For the first time in a very long time, thanks to the support of his friends and new love, he felt like everything was finally going _right_ in his life.

“Thank you guys.”

“For what?” Remy and Patton asked, confusion melting to worry when they caught Virgil’s tears beginning to spill.

“I think things are almost okay again. So thank you.”

For the sake of a fancy restaurant, the three waited until after they ate and made it to the parking lot to have a group hug, one that Virgil wasn’t itching to get out of.

And when he turned the spare key into Roman’s lock for the first time, made his way down the hall, and felt the sleepy man’s arms around him when he got into bed, he confirmed it in his mind.

_Things are almost okay again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS TOOK ME FOREVER I AM SO SORRY. But good news! I have officially finished the entire outline for this fic so I know what I'm doing! There will be either 20 or 21 chapters (Chapter 15 has a lot of plot points so I might break it up into two chapters) Anyway, follow my tumblr (@evergreenstringbean) for updates or just to befriend me, or even to bully me inot updating.


	11. Here I Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Roman prepares for his trip, he and Virgil have a heart-to-heart. Virgil has some things to work out.

Virgil didn’t want to get out of bed.

That was common on every other day. The decision of either staying in bed or being a productive being of society was akin to the choice of cake or garbage. However, on this particular day, that choice was something much harder. Because today was the first day of Roman’s field trip with his drama class. To New York City. For an entire week.

“I’m sure there’s another flight for later in the day,” Roman reasoned, his voice hoarse from sleep. “I won’t have to leave until the afternoon.”

Virgil laughed from where he was tucked in close to the drama teacher, playing absentmindedly with his hair. “That’s a no for several reasons. First, your flight is already paid for. Second, you are not leaving your TA with ten rowdy theatre kids on a plane for four and half hours _and_ making her sort out the hotel arrangements on her own. She’ll have a nervous breakdown before they even land.” He sighed and closed his eyes again, trying his best to enjoy the moment while he could. “And third, as much as you’re acting like you don’t want to get up, you and I both know you wouldn’t miss your students first reactions to the city for the world.”

The groan that followed Virgil’s reasonings somehow didn’t make him feel better. He was excited for Roman, of course he was, but the thought of an entire week without him made his stomach turn uncomfortably. That feeling alone made him feel weak. He was a grown man with a college degree and his _own apartment,_ yet this one theatre nerd made him feel like an emotional kid. Perhaps that was because he had never had a relationship this real before. He’d been too preoccupied with other things the majority of his adult life.

“You’re right, and I hate that you’re right.” Roman sighed and sat up, careful not to bump into Virgil on his way up. “I’m gonna go make coffee,” he hummed, ever so slowly making his way out of his bedroom and to the kitchen.

Virgil took a few minutes to compose himself, glancing at the excessive amount of Broadway posters covering his boyfriend’s bedroom walls, all of course protected with frames. Roman had asked him over winter break if he would mind bringing in his mail and watering his plants while he was gone, to which Virgil said it wouldn’t be any trouble. The more trust Roman gave him, the happier he got. It was the closest thing he’d gotten to a rush since he stopped gambling.

He eventually got out of Roman’s way too comfortable bed and met the man in the kitchen, thankfully grabbing a mug of warm coffee. “I hope I got it right. Small splash of cream, half a spoonful of sugar?”

“Uh, yeah,” Virgil hummed timidly, taking a sip of his coffee and smiling. “It’s perfect. You’ve been paying attention to how I make my coffee?” he asked, earning a prideful smile from Roman.

“Of course I have, my dear stormcloud. I worked as a barista in college, you know.”

“Really? Did you have the apron and pretentious style and everything?”

Roman huffed out a laugh and leaned against his kitchen counter, watching as Virgil set down his mug to climb up and sit on the counter itself. “Not so much the style, but I _did_ have to wear the apron.” Virgil chuckled at the thought of Roman serving coffee to pushy people.

“You must’ve gotten stressed out of your mind.”

“Eh, so-so. Patton would come spend time with me after his classes. After he stopped drinking, he _really_ got into coffee and threw himself into schoolwork.”

Virgil looked down into his coffee mug, trying to force himself to ask the questions he’d wanted to for a while. “How did….how’d you and Logan take it when you found out what was going on with him?”

He almost regretted asking the question when Roman’s smile fell, but just before he spoke up to apologize or change the subject, he heard him respond quietly:

“I didn’t take it well…at all.”

That made Virgil’s heart sink and dread replace what little hope he had for his confession to go well. “…Oh?” he asked just as quietly, indicating for Roman to explain himself.

Roman sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Logan found out before me. Neither of us had heard from Patton in a while and got really worried, so he’d gone over to his dorm room to get to the bottom of it. He had found him hungover with, as he had put it, _an exceeding amount of empty alcoholic beverages_ scattered around his room. We had no idea what to do. Heck, we had never seen him be anything but sunshine since we were kids! So, we decided to try an intervention and get him to seek some help…but-“

“I know- I know what happened to Logan,” Virgil interrupted, not wanting to hear the details of what Patton had done again. “When Patton told me about it, he didn’t leave anything out.”

The relief that spread over his face eased the tension a little, but not enough to keep Virgil from squirming while Roman continued. “Well, we had to take him to get stitches, so while they did that I went back to our dorm to get some things for him…and I just lost it. I screamed, I cried, and I lashed out over the phone to Patton. I’m not proud of it in the slightest. My friend was suffering, my other friend was injured, and I was by myself, angry because I thought Patton had been so selfish to do what he’d done. He’d spiraled so far down, and Logan and I knew _nothing_.”

Halfway through his story, Virgil had put his head down, unable to keep watching Roman’s eyes flicker through a familiar pained look he knew all too well. It was one he’d gotten several times over in the height of his addiction. A look those you loved gave you when they felt guilty for your choices.

“Even now, I can’t know for sure if I was more angry at Patton for what he’d done to Logan or more angry at myself for what I failed to do for him.”

Virgil didn’t know how to respond to that in a way that didn’t sound as though he were an expert on the matter, so he didn’t even bother to try to rephrase as he hopped down from the counter and rinsed his empty cup in the sink. “I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way to react to finding out somebody has an addiction. It’s jarring news, like hearing someone was in an accident or was missing. Because, in a way, it’s like them being lost. They’re not completely the same person as an addict. Their brain is rewired to center around that main thing that they think brings them pure joy when in reality, it’s completely destroying them. So, reacting to news that someone you care about is lost…lashing out, being angry at the person that lost them…it’s understandable.” He watched himself act on autopilot while he talked, grabbing the sponge to clean the cup since the apartment would remain mostly unoccupied for the week.

“But, you have to remember the person who lost them didn’t do it on purpose. Maybe it started out as a game of hide and seek but over time, hiding behind the curtains grew boring. So, the game started taking place in the front yard…then the park…then a crowded city. Getting lost is easy when you’re swept away in the hustle and bustle.”

That was way too much to be considered casual advice. On the inside, Virgil was horrified that he’d just dumped a year of GA advice on his boyfriend, but a part of him felt good that he could offer anything at all.

“I love you.”

Virgil almost broke the mug as he whipped around to face Roman, who had an expression he could only describe as pure adoration. As for himself, his heart was pounding so hard form the confession that he couldn’t send the message to his brain to say something.

Thankfully, Roman didn’t take that as rejection, possible from seeing how flustered Virgil got. “No need to say it back straight away. I understand you may need time. I think you shouldn’t say it just because I did. Take your time, my dear,” he said softly, placing his own empty mug into the sink.

That was what was needed for Virgil to quickly wrap his arms tightly around his boyfriend. Roman immediately hugged him back, squirming with a laugh when he felt the sudsy water on Virgil’s hands touching his back. “Hey, that’s cold!”

“Oh really?” Virgil replied, “How about this then?” He reached up to place his hands on Roman’s neck, making him jump back with a yelp.

“I confess my love for you, and you react like this? Betrayal!”

The shorter of the two merely rolled his eyes and checked the time. “Yeah, well if you don’t get ready right now, you’ll have to take that afternoon flight after all.”

As Roman quickly retreated to double check his luggage and make himself “presentable”, Virgil smiled to himself and wondered how he’d get through the next week without the mornings like these.

**_~*~_ **

Roman had decided that it would be best for the two of them to say their goodbyes in the airport parking lot. This way they could have more privacy- well, as much privacy with Patton and Logan there also to bid farewell to their friend- and so the students didn’t find it weird that the office secretary was there just to see the drama class leave. So they’d said goodbye as soon as they got out of Patton’s car, and of course no tears were shed because _it’s not like one of them was super dramatic or anything._ And then, after hugs and promises to call from the others, Roman disappeared into the building.

Which led to later that evening, Virgil mindlessly pacing about his own apartment and mulling over how he was going to tell Roman about his past once he returned home. It was worse than when he’d come out to his parents, which had just been him having a breakdown from the mere idea of coming out and crying to his mother and father, who hugged him tightly and swore nothing could change how much they loved him.

Funny, how life is.

He sighed and plopped down onto his couch for what was probably the millionth time. Why was it so hard to tell him he used to be a gambler? He’d told Patton, and he knew he could trust Roman.

Before he knew it, he had tugged on his jacket and walked outside, hoping to get some fresh air and clear his thoughts. The weather had finally calmed down from a harsh wind chill to just fair, but the jacket was more a personal comfort than a physical one. He passed shops and buildings all filled with customers and happy-go-lucky people before finally reaching a park. It looked straight out of a Disney Channel movie. People walking their dogs, some playing catch, others having family picnics. Life was happening around him, something Virgil had begun to appreciate more.

And suddenly, out of nowhere at all, he stopped dead in his tracks as the corner of his brain finally answered the question it had been trying to figure out since a man on roller skates had spilled lukewarm coffee on his all those many months ago.

Why Roman?

Because he retaliated any comment Virgil gave with a witty remark or a playful insult. Because he wasn’t afraid to show his affections in appropriate settings. Because he always made sure Virgil felt comfortable, and guided him through the uncomfortable things he couldn’t avoid. Because he was loud, charming, confident, and all the things Virgil was not. Because he trusted Virgil and never made him feel inadequate or wrong.

But the simplest answer to the question, Why Roman?

“I love you.”

He watched as Roman’s concerned face by Virgil's anxious request to video chat melted into a bright smile. “I love you too.”

Virgil cleared his throat and hung up his jacket, still trying to catch his breath after running home from the park. This was the reason it was so difficult. He couldn’t lose Roman if he react poorly. Patton said that wouldn’t happen but _he couldn’t know for sure._ And, because he loved Roman that much, not knowing for sure just wasn’t good enough. Not now.

“I was just thinking about us, and how everything is moving. I’ve never liked change. It’s unpredictable and you never know how badly things could go. One minute all is well, and the next you don’t know how it all went to hell.” He kept his eyes on Roman while also navigating to his couch. “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you before you left, but I realized I’ve never been so eager for things to change as I have when I’m with you. Jumping into something unpredictable is so easy with you, and if that isn’t love then I don’t know what it could possibly be.”

Virgil watched as Roman’s camera shifted, hiding his face as he heard a sniffle. “Quit making me cry, we’re about to go get dinner and I don’t want a bunch of drama kids asking why I’m crying,” he whined, no actual hint of being upset in his voice aside from the tears.

“Okay, okay. We can talk about this when you get back. Now, how was the flight?”

Listening to Roman talk about the seating musical chairs his students did before the flight in order to sit with their friends made Virgil smile contentedly, and when they inevitably hung up with another exchange of “I love you”s, he was able to lay on his couch with no random worries bouncing around his mind.

That night, Virgil had a long, nightmare-less sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mostly filler with plot sprinkled in. This was also supposed to have Logan and Patton more involved around them but I'm working on that and want complex chapters for them because they deserve it.


	12. The Riddle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil learns new details about Roman. Logan and Patton try to get on the same page.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished this at 1am judge me

When Virgil was young, he loved to write.

He didn’t really write stories. After a suggestion from his second grade teacher to write down how he felt whenever he was fidgeting in class, he had taken a liking to putting his emotions on paper. It didn’t matter to him whenever the words would be read by other than him or not. He found it incredibly therapeutic to let the words in his brain fall out through ink.

As he grew up, he wrote more and more. He kept most things to the point. And sure, what he was doing could just be called a journal, but he didn’t like to call it that. It felt more like a way to hold himself accountable once he got older and forgot what it was like to be the prior age.

Once he got into gambling, he had found less and less time to write, until he just stopped altogether. Thankfully so, because of all the events in his life, Virgil was glad to forget about as much of his time hopping from casino to casino as possible. He finally picked it back up once he’d decided to get help, and hadn’t really stopped again since.

So here he was after another mundane work day without Roman, sitting across from Remy at a table in a somewhat crowded Starbucks, typing away while the man rambled about wedding plans. He knew Virgil was listening, and Virgil knew he knew he was listening. Multitasking was a fine tool he was glad to be good at.

“So Emile put his foot down and told them he saw no reason why we couldn’t have a flower _boy_ instead of a flower _girl_ , and- wait, Vi?”

Virgil hummed, but kept his eyes trained on the sentence forming across the electronic page of his word document. Perhaps if he had been paying more attention to the tone in Remy’s voice, things would have gone differently. If he had just been more alert.

“Isn’t…that your boyfriend?”

His eyes darted up from the screen and in the direction of Remy’s stare, and there he was, standing in line with his hands stuffed in his pockets and swaying in one spot to the music playing through the speakers in the ceiling. His hair was more ruffled than usual, he was wearing a ripped band tee that Virgil had never seen before, and somehow over the course of four and a half days he had managed to grow a full mustache, but that was not the main focal point in his mind. Roman was in New York City, or at least, he was supposed to be. But this was undoubtably Roman.

Virgil, fueled by wild curiosity and slight rage, stood from the table and marched over to the man in line, crossing his arms as he glare at his boyfriend. “So, when did you learn to teleport and not tell me?” he huffed, earning a eyebrow raise from the man in front of him.

“Is this some kinda pick-up line? Because it’s a shitty one. You gotta make ‘em more charming, or at least a little sexy.”

His voice was more shrill than usual, and upon further inspect Virgil had noticed a stripe of white hair in his bangs. “So you cut out on your class in the concrete jungle, _and_ you dyed your hair? You were gone for _four days_. And when the hell did you get back?” He was growing more and more confused, and it was causing unnecessary anxiety.

The confused look fell into realization and Virgil’s hand’s tightened around his forearms. “Ohhhh! Nah, you got it mixed up. You’re thinkin’ about Roman, yeah?”

The muddled thoughts in Virgil’s brain bumped into radio static as he nodded. The man laughed and held out a hand. “That ain’t me. I’m his brother. Remus Prince, pleasure to meet ya!”

“…Brother?” Virgil asked quietly, hands not moving to accept the handshake offer. Roman had a brother? Come to think of it, the only thing Virgil knew of his family was that he wasn’t on good terms with his parents. Hell, Roman knew even less about Virgil’s family. Thinking of those things left a pit in Virgil’s stomach and thoughts he preferred to ignore.

“Twin brother, actually. He’s six minutes older though, so I’m the baby! So uh, who’re you? …Wait,” Remus squinted his eyes, dramatically looking Virgil up and down before it looked like an actual light bulb went off in his head and he jumped. “Jan told me about you! Virgil, right? Ro’s new beau?”

Rather than make a vocal response, Virgil merely nodded. Remus grinned and stepped out of line. “I get it, you’re pretty cute. Kinda awkward and quiet, but hey! I guess Ro-Ro’s into that kinda thing.” He sighed and muttered under his breath, “How would I know, though?”

“Um,” Virgil started, glancing over at Remy to signal a look of _please help_ , “sorry, who’s Jan?” he asked, his curiosity getting the better of him and outweighing the need to end this interaction as quickly as possible.

Remus’ smile brightened at the question, and Virgil was even more freaked by the similarities of his boyfriend and this man in front of him. “Janus Dolion. He teaches where y’all work. I doubt Roman told you, but the five of us all used to be the best of buddies back in the day.”

That was the moment Remy cut in, making some excuse for the two of them with Virgil’s laptop tucked under one arm. Virgil was too dazed at the sudden intake of information to register anything happening until they were both back in Remy’s car.

“Are you alright, Virgil?” Remy asked, friendly undertones replaced by the voice he used when they were having the real conversations a sponsor and sponsee would have. “Do you need anything?”

Virgil mulled over the question and the new pieces of the puzzle he’d been introduced to before shaking his head. “I want to go home. I need to think. And write.”

Remy just nodded and turned the key in the ignition, and as they pulled out of the parking lot Virgil watched the distorted reflection of a man he thought he knew well walk out of the coffee shop, empty handed.

**_*~*_ **

Patton isn’t sure how or exactly when it all started. His college years were mostly hazy, but he’s sure even if he asked Logan he wouldn’t be able to give an exact response. Or may he would, he was just that smart. But the thing Patton knew for certain was that kissing Logan was by far his favorite activity.

It wasn’t even because Logan was a fantastic kisser, which he was, but seeing him de-stress after watching him grow frustrated and unnerved made him feel accomplished in a whole new way. It made him happy to see someone he cared about so deeply relax after everything else failed.

They never went any further than kissing. That was an unspoken rule, a line they had set years before when the activity became more frequent. And they never spoke of it. To speak of it would be to acknowledge that anything real was happening.

One thing that Patton was sure of was this: Logan may be smart, but when it came to feelings he was more than willing to pretend to be stupid.

The order of drop-offs and pick-ups in Patton’s car was methodical. Logan was picked up first, and dropped off last. This was because most days Patton didn’t leave Logan’s house until hours after arriving. They’d talk about the day through gentle kisses, enjoy the quiet of each other’s company, then he would depart once Logan seemed tired enough to not keep himself awake with grading papers like he was prone to do unless the counselor interfered.

This particular evening, however, was different. It was the weekend, and the day Roman was supposed to be home from the airport. Although Patton had offered his driving services, he was assured Virgil would meet him there and take a cab home with him. So, that left the two others to their own devices, meaning sitting on Logan’s couch and exchanging lazy kisses.

“Lo,” Patton started as he pulled away, barely waiting for the questioning hum from Logan before continuing, “do you think…maybe, it’s about time we talk about this?” he asked slowly, hoping to not startle Logan’s and set off his “Emotions Alarm”, as Roman playfully titled it.

Logan cleared his throat and sat up straighter. “I don’t believe there’s anything to talk about. We are friends, friends show affection-“

“Yes, but friends don’t make out with each other almost every day and never talk about it.”

“Y-Yes, I suppose not,” he sighed, and Patton tried not to grimace when Logan scooted away from him. “Would you like to speak first?”

The counselor nodded and took a deep breath, thinking of the encouragements from Virgil about worst and best case scenarios. _If he loves you too, you have nothing to worry about. If he doesn’t feel the same, that doesn’t mean your friendship has to end._

“I love you.”

The silence that follow was the most uncomfortable ten seconds of Patton’s life, and that was saying a lot. He hadn’t meant to blurt it out like that. He had meant to break it to Logan gently, explain his childhood crush that had grown as time went on. Now he just felt like he pushed his friend off the boat without a life jacket.

“…I…oh,” Logan replied quietly, standing from the couch like a baby deer, legs shaking. He then regained composure and started to pace along the length of the coffee table, all the while never looking in Patton’s direction.

“Okay, I’ll admit that’s not the reaction I was hoping for,” Patton whispered. He watched Logan pace, unsure what to do before just breaking the silence. “Lo? Penny for your thoughts?”

Logan finally glanced at him and stopped mid-step, staring for longer than he should before taking a step away and placing more distance between the two of them. “I uh…I don’t-“

Patton shook his head at Logan’s rambling and stood up, whiplash be damned. His gaze flickered over the scar by the man’s temple, and while his heart still ached with guilt every time he saw it, he temporarily brushed it aside. “I get it. It came out of nowhere and I didn’t ease you into it, but look, we’ve been doing this for years. I just thought…maybe you felt the same that I do about you.” He turned his eyes away to stare at the floor, unable to look at Logan for any longer without crying. This was not the way he expected things to go.

“But I do.”

The reply was quiet, but Patton still heard it. He tilted his head back up, and Logan…was in tears.

“I just…I can’t, Patton. I don’t want-“

The annoying noise of Patton’s cell phone went off, and he immediately ignored the call. “Don’t want?”

Logan sighed. “You know how-“

Again his cell phone rang, and Logan nodded for him to answer it. Patton didn’t argue and complied, this time receiving a text.

The second Patton’s eyebrows scrunched together in the way they did when he was worried, Logan was quick to ask questions. “What’s wrong? Is everything okay?”

“Uh…Virgil and Roman got into an argument when they got back from the airport. Remy just texted me. He’s on his way to Virgil’s apartment and thinks he needs some backup.”

“Why would he ask you for help? Of course, Virgil’s our friend, but Roman has been our friend for longer.”

Patton hated lying, but knew better than to say anything. It was not his place to confess in place of others. “He may be having an anxiety attack. Counselors are equipped to handle that sort of thing. At least, _good_ counselors are,” he answered smoothly, pulling his keys from his pocket. “Can you call Roman? I think it would be best if-“

“If Roman came here while you assisted Virgil? It sounds like a good plan.” And just like that, all previous confessions and future revelations were put on hold.

Patton just hoped it wouldn’t be permanent. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new player has entered the game. Rat boy.
> 
> Come yell at me on Tumblr and Instagram and motivate me to write (both usernames are @evergreenstringbean)


	13. Before You Were There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman and Virgil argue. A faculty meeting leads to an unexpected friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest chapter I've ever written oops

Virgil paced in nervous excitement, waiting not so patiently for the familiar face to walk through the airport doors. In the couple of days between meeting Roman’s brother and now, he had come to terms with the bombshell of news and had made the decision to wait until after Roman returned before he discussed the family situation. Even so, he couldn’t help the tinge of anger still bubbling under the surface. Why had Roman never told him? What was the grand reason for him withholding the inner workings of his family life?

Before the questions started to once again eat at his brain, Virgil took a deep breath and pivoted in the new direction of his pacing circle. He was such a hypocrite. It was foolish to think the two of them could have a stable relationship when neither of them knew anything about each other before college. Hell, Roman didn’t even know that much about Virgil. Not for much longer, though. He had promised to tell Roman everything when he got back, and he was going to make good on that promise.

That didn’t make it any easier though.

Thankfully, just before he could fall down that rabbit hole of panic, a familiar red suitcase caught the corner of his eye. He turned his head to see a tired but happy Roman, grinning and picking up the pace to get to Virgil faster. All traces of worry and future conversation left Virgil’s mind as Roman let go of his suitcase and pulled him into a tight hug. He immediately wrapped his arms around him, and tension he had been feeling for the past week was beginning to dull down. “Hi,” he mumbled into Roman’s shirt, earning a chuckle from his boyfriend.

“Hello to you as well.” He pulled away to kiss Virgil’s forehead, laughing again at Virgil’s flustered reaction. “Alright, the kids have been picked up and got to their cars safely. We’re all good to go.”

It took a while for their taxi to arrive, during which the time was filled with casual conversation of the trip and Roman’s dramatics over how much he missed his boyfriend. Virgil wasn’t one for public displays of affection, a feeling that Roman respected and waited until they finally reached his apartment. Once they’d paid the driver and trudged up the stairs- the elevator was down for repairs, a development Roman was not fond of- the drama teacher barely waited for the door to close behind them before bringing Virgil close again and kissing him softly. Virgil happily reciprocated, glad to just enjoy the moment without the whirlwind of information looming over him. He’d been learning to take things step-by-step, a concept often brought up during meetings. Worrying about what’s to come would only sour the present moment. So he set a roadblock in his head for those topics and focused on now, because right now a man he loved was holding him close and kissing him like he hadn’t seen him in years, and that was okay for now.

“So do tell, my dear, how has the week been without me? Please tell me the basketball coach didn’t invade the auditorium for stair drills.” Roman pulled his suitcase towards the bedroom, pausing for Virgil to follow him before walking again so he could listen closely.

Virgil again blocked out what he really wanted to say, aiming more for casual updates. “Nope. Patton asked me if a few kids with anxiety could go in there to do their work in a more open space, but aside from the janitor, nobody else really went in there.”

“Thank you. Speaking of which, the bespectacled duo won’t be joining us this evening. I figured the two of us could enjoy the time alone before the four of us get into any more wacky hyjinks.” Roman smiled as he threw his suitcase on his bed, not even bothering to deal with it before shoving it aside and flopping down in its place. “Ugh, I am _exhausted_! I’m sure I have jet lag.”

“You only have jet lag if you cross different time zones, doofus.”  
  
“…Didn’t I?” Roman asked slowly, making Virgil laugh.

“New York and Florida are _in the same time zone_. Trust me, I lived there long enough to know.”

The tension that filled the room made Virgil feel like he was choking. He’d noticed Roman freeze at the same time he did, and neither of them dared to move an inch. It was like they were both standing on thin ice, and both were terrified to shift the weight and break it.

But Roman had such confidence to do so. “You lived in New York?”

Virgil gave a shaky nod, eye contact non-existent. “Grew up in Armonk, just outside of the city. My dad wanted to to make sure we went to a good school.”

“Whoa whoa, back up. We?” Roman asked, promptly standing up from the bed.

“…Yeah, my sister and I.” Virgil could see the multitude of reactions Roman was having to that information. 

“You have a sister? That’s the first time I’ve heard anything about that. Honestly, it’s the first time I’ve heard _anything_ about your family. You can’t just dump all that on me at once whenever. I think that’s something we should probably know about each other by now!”

“You mean like how you have a twin brother and you never told me?” Virgil blurted out, perhaps a bit more heated than he’d have liked it to be. Fights made his heart race, and not in a good way. But he never just backed out of one if his anxiety was picking up. If he did, nobody would ever take him seriously.

Roman’s demeanor shifted from hurt and confusion to look more defensive. “Wait- you know about Remus?”

Virgil couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of this argument. “It’s kinda hard to not get confused when you see who you think is your boyfriend standing in line of a Starbucks when he’s supposed to be a thousand miles away.”

Immediately, Roman left the room and Virgil followed, watching his boyfriend power walk to the living room and start to pace. He wondered for a second if that’s how he looked at the airport, because if so he mentally apologized to those who watched and gained a headache from it. “What did he say to you?” Roman asked, his voice low but his tone scarily even.

“Nothing. He just said you all used to be friends in school, the three of you, him and J-”

“He probably twisted everything around, that little bi-”

“Why didn’t you tell me about him?” Virgil asked firmly, crossing his arms as he stood his ground in the conversation. On the inside, he was panicking, but on the outside, he was keeping himself as composed as physically possible. 

Roman stopped suddenly, turning to his boyfriend and raising a brow. “Why won’t you tell me _anything_? You hide _everything_ from me, Virgil! I ask about your childhood, you dodge the question. I ask about what your were like in high school, you change the subject. The more I look at it, the more I realize I don’t know a thing about you! Isn’t that messed up to you?!”

“Hey, don’t pin all this on me! I know fuck all about you too! You can’t be upset I withheld my family life when you’ve done the same damn thing!”

“If we can’t be honest with each other, then what the hell are we doing?!”

“I don’t know!” 

They stood there in shock after yelling at the same time, the duet of “I don’t know!” ringing in their heads. Virgil finally broke from the spell and turned around, yanking his jacket off the coat rack. 

“Call me when you figure it out.”

_**~*~** _

Virgil hung up the phone and sighed, turning his attention back to his computer as he typed out the email reminding everyone of the faculty meeting taking place after school. It was Wednesday, four days after the big argument, and he had been essentially operating on autopilot since. 

The events of that night played over and over in his mind, and even in his head it all went too fast. He stood by every point he made, but Roman’s arguments were fair too. Neither of them were in the right, and neither in the wrong. Which is probably why as soon as he’d reached his apartment that night, he’d called Remy in tears asking him to come over. He had shown up thirty minutes later, followed by Patton not too long after, and they’d all had a long conversation which thankfully prevented any further panic-induced symptoms. 

When school had started again on Monday, Virgil declined Patton’s offer for a ride and returned to his usual bus commute. He chose a different bus stop this time, not wanting to take any chances in case Roman had decided to skate to work. So for the past three days, that’s the stop he had gone to. On top of that, he hadn’t eaten lunch with the others either. He’d texted Patton every day to politely decline, reassuring the teacher he wasn’t upset with Patton or Logan but merely didn’t want to overstep boundaries. And quite frankly, he did not want to see Roman. Looking at his face through the windows or when he stopped by the office to check his mail was enough torture as it was.

He looked over his email a few times, fixing occasional typos and punctuation before feeling comfortable enough to send it. It was already one in the afternoon, so the meeting would start after the students were gone. That was not enough time for Virgil to prepare himself to sit in a room with Roman for an hour straight. Looking back at the papers in front of him, he shook his head in a poor attempt to get rid of the nerves as he got back to work.

If he had been paying attention, he would’ve seen the debate teacher watching him fidget before retreating down the hallway.

Time was a funny thing, Virgil decided as the last group of students walked through the double doors. He gave himself a few minutes to organize his desk before begrudgingly walking to the conference room, an ache in his chest worsening with each step he took. Virgil knew he was probably overreacting, but that didn’t stop any present feelings he had.

The room was already filled with staff when he walked in, but he immediately spotted his friends sitting in a corner chatting between themselves. Patton noticed Virgil by the door and waved, motioning for him to come over and sit by them. He made eye contact with Roman, and when the drama teacher looked down to stare at the table instead, Virgil shook his head and took a seat on the other side, by the principal.

The meeting went fine. It was just a upcoming events and fundraisers, nothing that Virgil didn’t already know about since it was his job to schedule it all. Though, whenever he would glance over at the rest of the faculty, Janus’ eyes would be on him. The part that unsettled him the most was the fact that he wasn’t sure what kind of expression the man was making towards him. It had connotations that Virgil couldn’t figure out, making him curious and somewhat frightened.

Once the principal finally dismissed everyone, Virgil was one of the first out the door, not wanting to be stopped by the three teachers he was currently trying to avoid. He had to grab his bag in the office, and made a beeline to do so before he was found. 

_How pathetic. You’re running away like a child. Again. Got a streak going there, Virge._

Virgil groaned at his own self deprecating thoughts and stepped into the office, jumping back when he saw Janus standing there, his arms crossed and an amused smirk on his face.

“Okay, what’s the deal? All you’ve done for months is give me weird looks and it’s freaky. If you’ve got something to say to me, then say it. If not, then get out of the office before I lock you in.”

Janus’ grin widened at Virgil’s snippy outburst. “Wow, I’d just _hate_ to catch you on an off day.” His smile dropped a little as he took a step forward. “Remus told me he met you in Starbucks.”

The sigh and shake of Virgil’s head was only fuel to the conversation. “Roman didn’t tell you anything, did he? It figures,” Janus said quietly. “You wanna go get a drink? It’s on me.”

Virgil couldn’t remember the last time he drank, and the previous statement peaked his interest too much to turn down. If he could get some answers, and had the alcohol to lessen the stress he’d had? It sounded like a win-win to him. “…If you’re buying.”

_**~*~** _

He got halfway through his glass of whiskey when he remembered why he didn’t drink much.

He’d always been an emotional drinker, and a lightweight to boot, but above all he’d just hated the taste. It was bitter, and not really worth it in the end for him. But he had a feeling he’d take this conversation better if he _wasn’t_ sober, so down the hatch it went.

“The five of us were all friends in grade school,” Janus started, Virgil slowly nursing his drink as he listened closely. “We were close, too. All through middle school we caused chaos and had the best sleepovers. We were pretty much inseparable.” He laughed to himself at the child versions of themselves, fleeting thoughts in his head that now just felt like stories rather than memories. “…I don’t know if Roman told you, but him and Remus both have asthma. Their parents had fertility problems and had treatment, hence why they came to be twins, but it had slight side effects. Remus’ was awful as a child. In fifth grade, we had gym class outside. Usually the twins had permission to skip on run days, but they were so competitive…” 

Janus flinched, and the two of them downed their drinks together, ordering another round without hesitation. “Remus collapsed halfway around the track. I watched it happen, it was awful…we all ran over to him, and he wasn’t breathing…” Virgil could see tears in his eyes, but he blinked them back and threw on a blank stare to combat it. “He was in the hospital for a while, nearly died. After that, their parents began to show some…favoritism towards Remus. I don’t think it was on purpose, it was probably just a subconscious response to nearly losing their child. But Roman didn’t take it very well. He’s got self esteem issues he won’t address, and that made him strive to do better so his parents would acknowledge his goals.”

“Why don’t you all talk anymore?” Virgil asked quietly, his brain growing fuzzy with each sip.

“I’m getting to that,” Janus replied firmly. “Once we got into high school, I started seeing Roman differently. He had his problems, but he was charming and sweet. And Remus…he made me laugh, told me jokes with humor that would scare others away…”

Virgil paused, squinting at Janus in confused before the light bulb went off in his head. “Wait wait wait- you had a-”

“I liked them both, yes. And it was driving me crazy. I didn’t know what to do. But I guess I figured it out, because one night we had a party to celebrate winter break, and I pulled Roman aside and just told him. I told him I liked him, and just before he could respond, I told him about Remus too.” A sad sigh followed, and Virgil’s imagery of this conversation was dead on with the look Roman had given him when he’d mentioned he met his brother. “He didn’t say anything for a while. I asked him not to tell Remus, that it was just complicate things more until I figured out what I wanted to do. In hindsight, I shouldn’t have said anything at all, but I was young and scared and had never had a crush before, let alone come to the crossroads I’d been at before.”

Janus let the tears fall now, only a few but Virgil still noticed and nodded for him to continue. He was too awkward to understand what to do when someone started crying, but it seemed to be the best course of action since Janus pressed on. “I remember it so vividly. He just took a step back, looked down, and asked me who I liked more. He made me choose. And I _know_ I shouldn’t have chosen. I _know_ it. But I was under so much pressure and it just came out.”

“…You chose Remus.”

“…Yes,” he said quietly, a tear-filled sigh following before his glass was yet again emptied. “From what I know, he never told Remus. But he stopped talking to him too. Remus spent a _long time_ trying to fix whatever he did wrong, before he gave up and just met his brother’s expectations of his shitty twin. I stopped talking with Logan and Patton, and that was just it. I didn’t see any of them again until I got my job, and found out they had been working there for two years. I don’t talk to them, they don’t talk to me, and the world goes round.”

Virgil was a firm believer in the statement that you know people’s name, but not their story. And this was a perfect example. Patton was a recovering alcoholic, Logan grew up with a mother who was manic, Roman had lasting issues that affected relationships in his life, Janus had guilt.

And Virgil…

“When I was in my third year of college, I had a group of friends that were really into gambling.” Any fear of over sharing was dulled by the alcohol, and Janus seemed to grow interested once his tears were long gone. “They went to casinos on the weekends and always tried to get me to join. But every weekend, I would go home to spend time with my parents and my older sister, so I was never able to accept the offer. And one weekend, they had gone to visit my aunt in Albany, so I was free and decided to go with my friends. Looking back now, it was the worst decision I ever made, but at the time I had so much fun.”

He didn’t look at Janus anymore, too interested in the new glass being placed on the table in front of him. “Needless to say, I developed a problem. Spent all my money at casinos, stopped going to class for a while. A few months into it, my sister flew out from Chicago where she’d just gotten a job and knocked a bit of sense into me. At least, enough to keep up with school long enough to just barely graduate. But nothing changed.”

Virgil set the glass away, cutting himself off in his current state. “Nobody knew. I was too ashamed to tell anyone. My parents lived comfortably, and I had just been fired from my shitty part time job, so I asked my father for a loan to get a down payment on a home. He gave me twenty-five thousand, and told me to ‘pay it back whenever I can, there’s no rush’. The fact that I manipulated his trust like that makes me so sick…but what I did next was so much worse.”

Janus looked confused, not that Virgil was paying close attention. He was already crying at the memory. “I gambled it all away in less than a day. My parents found out, and told me they couldn’t continue to financially support me if I refused to get help. My sister tried to help get through to me, but I was in so deep. I just left. Moved down here to Florida, got a bad apartment and continued my cycle like nothing happened.” He paused to take a deep breath, the next part of the story still making him shiver to think about. “One night, I was playing blackjack with a group I hadn’t seen before. Nothing unusual, I saw new people all the time. But after a few lucky wins, the guy to my left was sure I was cheating. And of course, I didn’t know when to quit. Push literally came to shove, and I ended up in the hospital. I remember the injuries didn’t hurt that much. I was most upset about the fact that I didn’t have a single person to call. Not my parents, not my sister, _nobody_.”

The silence between the two of them was mellowed out by the chatter around them, and Virgil ran his hands over his face. “I started going to meetings,” he pressed on, despite his head now telling him to quit. “I didn’t stop gambling, but I wanted to at least give it a shot. Eventually I dwindled down from casino bouncing to buying scratch-offs. A few months in I met my sponsor, and after a very long and very serious conversation, I threw my last winning ticket into the trash and went into the program headfirst. I got my job, moved here permanently, and despite a series of close slip-ups at the beginning, I’ve been a full year without it. And I’m happy.”

“…Wow,” Janus said slowly, taking Virgil’s unfinished glass to down it himself. “I assume these are the things you’ve yet to tell Roman?”

“Obviously. And neither of us know what to do. I love him, I really do, but the I made the stupid mistake of getting so close to him before telling him. Now, I’m scared to lose him…but I probably already did.”

Janus shook his head. “Roman can be a stubborn ass sometimes, but I’m sure he hasn’t changed that much in the last decade. He has a habit of doing the same thing, withholding information from someone he cares about. He cares so much about other’s viewpoints of him. Maybe it’s close to the way you feel when it comes to him.”

Virgil thought about that the entire walk home, after having declined Janus’ offer of a ride and too intoxicated to take the bus. They both cared what the other thought about them, worried each other would run the other way when given information of their past. He almost laughed at the triviality of it all, knowing full well that everything Janus had told him about Roman didn’t make Virgil love him any less. Accepting flaws was part of a relationship. _Trusting_ _each other_ was a part of a relationship.

“Virgil?” Roman asked, the static of the phone cutting out a few consonants. 

Virgil couldn’t stop a smile that arrived upon hearing Roman’s voice, tripping over a step by his door. “Hey Ro…can we talk?”

“Are you drunk?” 

“Not enough to make this easy,” Virgil mumbled as he crossed the threshold and pushed the door closed. “Look, I’m sorry I blew up…you’re right. We need to talk. Can you come over?”

There was a beat of silence before Roman replied, “Not while you’re drunk.”

“We’re not gonna have this conversation _unless_ I’m drunk.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll be over in twenty. Love you.” 

Virgil was sure it was just an instinct farewell, but he didn’t hesitate to reply, “Love you too,” and hang up, laying down horizontally on the sofa and running his hands down his face with a loud groan. 

Thankfully, he had a bottle of wine in his kitchen to aid in this conversation if need be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now you finally know more fucking exposition.
> 
> Come yell at me on tumblr or instagram (@evergreenstringbean


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